Iím trying to coordinate with my brother so we can do voice chat this weekend. I asked him if I could call and then realized that my phone doesnít make international calls.

I havenít been writing here much because Iíve been extremely busy, as usual. Plus, Iíve updated off and on in a non-public place. No matter how often I tell myself that the opinions of others donít matter, Iím still terrified of judgment. The easiest way to avoid judgment is to not offer anything to judge.

Iíve never been the kind of person who craves the lime light, so Iíll quickly retreat without a backward glance. However, to be able to establish some kind of human connection is important to me.

I believe that the way human beings relate to one another holds the most potential for something incredible. There are a few things in this world that we can hold up as an example of something magical. The human tendency to forget the self and even abandon all reason for another person seems the most miraculous thing to me. Most people who do this are parents, but there are also people who actually make a practice of this.

My total responsibility for others ends at two cats. One of which drives me nuts sometimes, but you know, heís a cat. Itís easy for me to adore the concept of sacrifice because Iím forced to make so few.

I do what I can. I want to make life better for others. Since I come into daily contact with so few, Iím not really a huge influence on the world. Sometimes Iím sadder about it than others.

Sometimes I tell myself to get up and do more, but Iím often very drained and tired. As a matter of fact, I think I will go meditate. Itíll probably do me a world of good.

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Saturday, Dec. 23, 2006 at 6:36 PM