Iíve had a completely irrational crush on this guy for several months. Since it seems like about 90% of the guys I meet are interested in me, about half to a stalker-like intensity, I was a bit shocked to realize that he is not the least bit interested.

So, I was mad at myself for indulging in so much self-delusion and fantasy; waiting for him to see the light and realize that we belong together. I didnít know that Iíd be the one doing the realizing.

The other thing I didnít realize was how hard this realization would hit me. I canít believe I somehow managed to earn myself a broken heart without the other person actually doing anything. Not that Iím on the brink of suicide or anything, but this is far too intensive for someone I barely know.

Anyway, as mad as Iíve been at myself this week, this morning, it occurred to me that maybe what I had done wasnít as stupid as I had originally believed.

If we kept our feet firmly rooted on the ground and never indulged in any sort of fantasy or self-delusion, itíd be a lot harder to be inspired to do things. Who would diet and exercise if they werenít allowed to fantasize about being thin and gorgeous? Who would write a book if they couldnít fantasize about being a great author?

Itís those dreamy, lofty ideas that keep us going. Itís what inspires us to live our lives.

I know people who call themselves ďrealistsĒ but I call them ďcynics.Ē I suppose itís all a matter of perspective, but I bet a lot more successful people daydreamed about their success before they were successful, than not.

Then again, there are times when we need to drop the self-delusion and look at things objectively. If you get too caught up in that fantasy, you might just end up sacrificing too much for a lost cause.

Iím not sure how to achieve that balance, but it is something that absolutely needs to be achieved.

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Saturday, Jan. 13, 2007 at 11:36 AM