I know a lot of people have said this within the last week or two, but I really admire Tyra Banks. Not just because she announced her weight to the entire world, either. I first took notice of her when I started watching America�s Next Top Model.

I know that�s it�s weird that someone who watches almost no TV would choose one of the most sensationalistic and vapid shows out there. It�s not that I enjoy watching bratty teenage girls getting dumped on, although, that part is fun, too. It�s more that each episode is a study in aesthetics.

Actually, the aesthetics of the show is the only thing that really changes from week to week. Otherwise, it�s just more of the same; bratty teenagers getting dumped on.

I find Tyra�s 161 pound body to be absolutely gorgeous. It�s also refreshing to be able to turn on the TV and see someone who doesn�t look like a half-starved baby bird.

If aliens are watching our TV signals, and if they eventually come down here, the race of round people will come as a total shock to them. They won�t recognize the majority of the species.

One of the reasons I stopped watching TV was that I was no longer able to differentiate between the people there. This became even more difficult once celebrities started dying their hair.

The amount of fat we have and where we store it is another thing that makes us unique. It gives us another way to identify each other and have variety. It�s insulting that the media assumes that our minds are so delicate, we can�t handle accepting two (or three, or five or 100) different sizes as beautiful.

But, that�s mainstream media. Once it started annoying me to a certain extent, I just stopped paying attention. That�s the nice thing about the media. You can pick and choose what you consume, and there�s quite a bit of variety, if you look.

I�m not even sure why I like Tyra. I don�t watch her daytime talk show. Maybe if I did, then I wouldn�t like her. I do kind of like how, rather trying to force herself to conform to the mold, she made her environment conform to her.

She did it the right way, though, in a way that makes sense, not the bratty teenage way you see on her show. I don�t really feel like getting into the annoying sense of entitlement people have these days, at the moment. That�s annoying, and that�s not what I mean.

I think maybe the right side of the brain is slowing down and the left side might be coming back to life a little bit. I have such a weird mind.

I�m not sure what�s wrong with me, but the cat was put to sleep, yesterday. The cat is dead.

I feel a bit numb or detached or something. I tried to go to bed early last night, but I ended up just laying there. I actually got hot, which made me wonder if I had a fever.

I suppose I should do some reporting on how things have changed between me and my friend H, but I don�t want to. I can�t use his name because it�s too unique and I can�t use aliases. I�m just incapable of it.

Maybe there�s just nothing to say, anyway. It�s just another one of those cases where someone wants to know me and be closer to me and I�m fighting it. He�s too nice and normal, so I�ll fight him off until some crazy, selfish bastard comes along, so I can go for him instead. That�s just the kind of girl I am.

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