I know a lot of people have said this within the last week or two, but I really admire Tyra Banks. Not just because she announced her weight to the entire world, either. I first took notice of her when I started watching Americaís Next Top Model.

I know thatís itís weird that someone who watches almost no TV would choose one of the most sensationalistic and vapid shows out there. Itís not that I enjoy watching bratty teenage girls getting dumped on, although, that part is fun, too. Itís more that each episode is a study in aesthetics.

Actually, the aesthetics of the show is the only thing that really changes from week to week. Otherwise, itís just more of the same; bratty teenagers getting dumped on.

I find Tyraís 161 pound body to be absolutely gorgeous. Itís also refreshing to be able to turn on the TV and see someone who doesnít look like a half-starved baby bird.

If aliens are watching our TV signals, and if they eventually come down here, the race of round people will come as a total shock to them. They wonít recognize the majority of the species.

One of the reasons I stopped watching TV was that I was no longer able to differentiate between the people there. This became even more difficult once celebrities started dying their hair.

The amount of fat we have and where we store it is another thing that makes us unique. It gives us another way to identify each other and have variety. Itís insulting that the media assumes that our minds are so delicate, we canít handle accepting two (or three, or five or 100) different sizes as beautiful.

But, thatís mainstream media. Once it started annoying me to a certain extent, I just stopped paying attention. Thatís the nice thing about the media. You can pick and choose what you consume, and thereís quite a bit of variety, if you look.

Iím not even sure why I like Tyra. I donít watch her daytime talk show. Maybe if I did, then I wouldnít like her. I do kind of like how, rather trying to force herself to conform to the mold, she made her environment conform to her.

She did it the right way, though, in a way that makes sense, not the bratty teenage way you see on her show. I donít really feel like getting into the annoying sense of entitlement people have these days, at the moment. Thatís annoying, and thatís not what I mean.

I think maybe the right side of the brain is slowing down and the left side might be coming back to life a little bit. I have such a weird mind.

Iím not sure whatís wrong with me, but the cat was put to sleep, yesterday. The cat is dead.

I feel a bit numb or detached or something. I tried to go to bed early last night, but I ended up just laying there. I actually got hot, which made me wonder if I had a fever.

I suppose I should do some reporting on how things have changed between me and my friend H, but I donít want to. I canít use his name because itís too unique and I canít use aliases. Iím just incapable of it.

Maybe thereís just nothing to say, anyway. Itís just another one of those cases where someone wants to know me and be closer to me and Iím fighting it. Heís too nice and normal, so Iíll fight him off until some crazy, selfish bastard comes along, so I can go for him instead. Thatís just the kind of girl I am.

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Thursday, Feb. 01, 2007 at 2:05 PM