Tonight, I was meditating on my physicality because I�m tired of my ego being wrapped up with the body. I had managed to escape this before, but it�s been creeping back, lately.

I do love my body, cherish it, maintain it and pamper it. It�s my only vehicle in this world and I only get one, so I�m going to take care of it.

The other thing about the body is that it�s too easy to get it confused with myself. It is an extension of me, but it is not me.

I�ve been fortunate enough throughout my adult life to always have been treated as if I am beautiful.

I must qualify this by saying whether or not I actually am, is purely subjective and irrelevant to the entry. Also, since I have no control group, I have no idea if it�s some kind of energy I might exude, just the exoticism of being bi-racial or if most people are just way nicer than I expect people to be.

There are the superficial lot who blather on about my looks, that is usually coupled with totally irrational behavior that I can�t imagine they have towards anyone else, as well as the people who have actually said to me, �You are beautiful and yes, I do treat you differently because of it.�

In this position, I find it difficult to not let my ego get too wrapped up in the body. It�s a bad thing for me, but I�m not necessarily sure that it is a bad for everyone.

If I could just focus on being pretty and nothing else, then I wouldn�t have to waste so much time loathing every other aspect of myself. But, I don�t think that way. I think in terms of effort and skill, and I don�t think it requires all that much skill for a woman to show up with the face she was given.

If I don�t think that way, then why is it that I have a problem separating myself from it? I give it more value than it deserves. Maybe because I have gotten so much benefit from it.

It�s always bothered me that the accepted response to a compliment of ones appearance is �Thank you.� It makes more sense to say, �You�re welcome,� �Thank my parents� or even �Thank nature.� Or something.

What am I thanking them for? For letting me know? I�ve heard the compliment a billion times before, if I haven�t gotten it through my head by now, I�ve got other, more serious, problems. Oh, I usually don�t actually embody that attitude. I do feel it is the most rational, but like I mentioned before, I don�t always separate myself from the body as I would like to do.

I also realize that most people are being nice, and to them, this is a gift. For the most part, I see it for what it is. I understand the good will it is which it is intended. It doesn�t really matter to me what someone gives me, as long as it is given in good will.

However, the very idea that somehow one person is given more value for mere appearances is pretty crazy. I�m tired of giving it significance. I�m tired of caring and I�m also really, really tired of dealing with superficial people.

Well, I needed to get that off my chest. Thank god for diaries. I�ll continue to meditate on this.

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