Second entry of the day.
Iím going to try and make this quick because I need to get some work done.
My brother finally emailed me last night. I havenít heard from him in weeks. Heís been busy with work. He didnít say anything, but Iím almost getting the feeling that he might renew his contract when it expires, and stay longer in Japan.
He told me about my dad trying to get my momís passport in order. No word on whether or not heíll get on the plane with her. While driving back from the chiropractor yesterday, it suddenly hit me what a beautiful act it is for my dad to still be involved in my momís life and to continually try and help her despite being divorced for nearly ten years. They were married for about 25 years before that, though.
Itís funny, when my ex-husband divorced me, he told me that if I really needed a place to go, his door would always be open for me. That said, among the million other mixed up messages, including ones about how I need to get the hell out of his house.
Back then, I was so worried that I wouldnít be able to take care of myself, when the biggest problem I had with being married is that I didnít have to take care of myself. I didnít realize that was my problem at the time, because, who would ever consider that to be a problem?
Itís unbelievable to me that my dad could be such a wonderful and kind-hearted person, yet, I canít get along with him at all. When he was over last, I really had to restrain myself from throwing him out of my car at one point.
Heís not malicious, just clueless.
Besides writing in here more often, Iíve also been bombarding Suzanne with lots and lots of email. She made the fatal mistake of telling me that she enjoys getting email from me. She has not complained yet, but I feel like Iím taking advantage of her kind ear, and I need to be a little more considerate.
I still havenít been feeling like myself, like something isnít quite right. Is it possible that my chiropractic adjustment is making me feel odd? My body is saying, ďWait a minute, weíre not in pain! Something must be wrong here.Ē
When I drive, and I turn my head to check my blind-spot, Iím expecting to feel pain, but thereís no pain. I had no idea that I was messed up for so long. So long, that I feel like I canít change lanes unless Iíve suffered neck pain first.
Iím down to only a few places in which I am ďseverely misalignedĒ as the chiropractor puts it. This is in opposition to my entire spine looking like a satellite photo of a meandering river. He also says that my muscles are adjusting very quickly to the fixed parts, which is a good sign.
I donít know how often Iíll visit him, but yesterday, I went straight from his office to karate and undid a little bit of his good work. Heís not covered by my insurance. So yes, Iím thinking twice about making him my new best friend.
Maybe itís just stress. Iíve been letting things get to me more than usual. I was doing pretty well over the weekend, but then I was at a board meeting for a Buddhist organization that Iím a part of, and there was way too much arguing going on for a board meeting of Buddhists.
Sometimes I feel like I want to avoid the board meetings altogether and just do my part over email. Part of it is that I am a terrible public speaker. Iím not shy, but it takes me too long to organize my thoughts, and thatís the kind of situation in which you need to organize your thoughts quickly.
Thatís what too much internet will do to you.
Yesterday, I spent the day making a website compatible with IE 6. Last I checked, 38.1% of users were still using that as their main browser. That doesnít make my life too easy.
Itís still not done, but only because I ran out of time and couldnít finish it. It was a total stressful horror show trying to figure it out, and in the meantime, H was IMing me about how he wants to go to the beach, or how heís going to start his own business just so he can hire me and throw paper airplanes at me (Yeah, thatís and appealing offer).
He hasnít been around during the past couple of months. I felt awful for not wanting to talk to him, but I also felt like he was doing the equivalent of throwing paper airplanes at me, over IM, while I was trying to work.
I get too wrapped up in my work. I let it stress me out too much. I think itís just taking me a little bit of time to get back into the groove of being a developer and not freaking outÖ wait a minute, was I ever in that groove?
I should really start meditating more. I know I need to start practicing more yoga. The only problem is that Iíve been so tired and busy, lately, but I need to make it a priority.
I have a couple of friends that are currently vacationing in Florida. Iíve grown accustomed to talking to one or both of them nearly every day, over the past couple of months, and now Iím counting the days until they return. That seems a little bit messed up, but itís so hard to find good, kind, positive people to interact with regularly.
And apparently, my diary is read by "more people than I think." Well, if that's the case, hugs and kisses to all of my readers. Have a good day.
|Tuesday, Jun. 26, 2007 at 2:47 PM|