I ordered, this book. Donít worry, itís not that I order so few books that I have to announce it on my diary every time I order a book. Honestly, I order far too many books, and I keep them piled up in my drawing room.

I keep them in piles because even though Iím rich enough to have a drawing room, I am too cheap to have a bookshelf.

Iím only mentioning it because Iím kind of excited about it. I know there are a few bad reviews on amazon, but everyone has different needs and expectations when it comes to any book.

If you ask me, if you search for semantic database, thatís really the best option that comes up. I really donít know all that much about it, so I guess this is a good starting point.

Iím supposed to go on a hike today and Iím not even close to feeling like it. However, I am better off hiking than sitting around brooding with nothing better to do. Last night, I asked Mr Crush if he wanted to go, and he did, except heís already committed to something else.

I didnít have the time to ask him sooner. Weíve both been far too busy over the summer. During the winter, we were able to talk a lot more.

Thatís the thing thatís irking me. We both have our own, very full, lives, and thereís barely any overlap.

Something hit me the other day. When I first saw him, I knew, without a doubt, that he would change my life. I was 100% sure that I also knew how heíd change my life, but maybe thatís the part thatís wrong. Maybe I believed that because thatís the only way I imagined that someone could affect me so profoundly.

Heís already affected me profoundly, and he hasnít done anything except acted exactly like your normal, every day workaholic and technology genius.

Over the years, after being laid off from my dot-com job, being unable to find work in web development, failed marriage to the geekiest man alive (to be later surpassed by Mr Crush), and then spending two and a half years with a software engineer who had almost no passion for technology (I know, itís really bizarre). Iíd really become disenchanted with technology, specifically the web.

It was something that had previously been extremely inspiring to me. As an art student, in 1994, I taught myself how to use the internet, as time went on, taught myself HTML and from there, went on to other programming languages.

In 1996, I had an online diary that I updated by hand-coding new HTML every day (well, there was some copy and paste involved).

Thatís not something people do if theyíre just a little bit interested in the internet. This is something people do if they are passionately involved with it.

Anyway, I shouldnít beat the point into the ground.

Because of the previously mentioned turmoil surrounding my experiences, by the time I met Mr Crush, I was ready to do something else entirely. Go back to drawing and art history, write a book, maybe.

Ok, now Iím back from my hike.

The crazy hiker guy was there. I deleted the entries from last year. The summary goes something like: We went out once. It was so bad, the trauma turned me off dating for two months. He emailed me constantly (weíre talking about 7 emails a day, averaging about ten pages each) and every single interaction turned into a big dramatic production.

Itís not that Iím completely unaware of what it feels like to totally fall for someone instantly. We all know that Iíve been in this state of existence since last August. Maybe crazy hiker guy was just a good lesson for me to learn before meeting Mr Crush.

Although, at the time, I was so overly confident in my charm that I didnít believe there was such a person who would deny me. And that was probably an even more important lesson learned from Mr Crush.

I had totally forgotten about crazy hiker guy. I would have spoken to him, but he went out of his way to avoid me. When I say that, I mean, WAY out of his way.

I made no effort towards anything. At one point, I caught him hiding behind some bushes and staring at me, and that was the closest we ever got to eye-contact.

Thatís why heís called crazy hiker guy.

Oh, I never finished what I was saying about Mr Crush. He re-introduced me to a lot of things that I had become really disenchanted with.

This morning, I was feeling very indignant about being a programmer, and I was going to go on and on about not getting enough credit; blah, blah, blah. Luckily my hike spared you all of that.

Itís true to some extent. The geeks at work donít like to acknowledge me, but nothing has stopped me from leaving and utilizing my brain as much as I am capable. Mr Crushís enthusiasm for technology re-ignited mine, and I think that has changed the course of my life.

This probably should have been broken up into a couple of entries, but I ran out of time this morning before the hike, sorry.

If you happen to be reading this, have a great 4th. It's my favorite holiday and always has been.

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Wednesday, Jul. 04, 2007 at 4:19 PM