Last evening, I got a depressed, mouth filled with sawdust feeling. I didn�t do much, I did some yoga and then read for awhile.

I went to bed with the feeling. I woke up with the feeling. This morning, I saw the news about the bridge collapse. At the time, they were reporting only six people dead. I was relieved. Six seemed like a tiny number considering how bad it could have been.

Then later, when I checked the news again, and the death toll changed to 4, with an estimate of 20-30 missing. I realized that even if your car is at the bottom of the Mississippi with a slab of concrete on top of it, you�re still considered just �missing,� until they haul out the body.

Even if they are just �missing,� I have a pretty good idea of the state they�re probably in.

I lived in Minneapolis for six years prior to moving here. The company I worked for is located right next to this bridge. Friends and coworkers used this bridge daily. I used this bridge daily.

Lots of people used it daily. As a matter of fact, so many people use it, it�s unlikely that I anyone I know would have been on it, despite the proximity.

I sent out emails, I heard back from everyone except people from work. This isn�t a big deal. Most people don�t check their personal email until the evening.

For some reason, I have a terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. I have no idea why. Maybe in my older, more stable life, I�m becoming more prone to hysteria.

In this world of communications technology, we�re constantly getting news about one disaster or another. Numbers of people who�ve died recently are constantly rolling in from one news source or another. For me, in most cases there�s a disconnect. I don�t really think much about it.

This time, I seem to be lacking that disconnect.

I�ve been having trouble concentrating all day. I have karate tonight.

I really kicked you-know-what on Tuesday. I don�t know how well I�ll do tonight, but this past week, my karate master has been talking about putting me in black belt training. This will be time-consuming and draining, but I think it�s probably for the best.

Besides, kicking you-know-what, I also got indirectly reprimanded for hugging my opponent after a fight. I've been reprimanded for this before, even hugging people during fights because I felt bad for knocking the wind out of them.

I wonder how many karate practitioners who have both been disqualified for excessive contact and reprimanded for hugging?

Oh, and I added a link to a comments tool. I don't know if it's a great idea, but it's there. Time will tell. I can always take it out.

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Thursday, Aug. 02, 2007 at 4:51 PM