Second entry of the day.

I think Iím happy. Iím pretty sure Iím happy. I experience anxiety sometimes, but deep down, underneath it all, Iím happy.

I was just telling my ex-husband about last nightís concert. So, ok, maybe Iím a little obnoxious. Part of it is that when I am delighted by something, I fully believe that everyone else will be just as delighted to hear about it. I figured Iíd tell him because heís a musician and I thought heíd appreciate it.

He said something about how everything seems better if you have low expectations. I agree with this, but I believe his comment was meant to devalue the concert. The value of the concert is a fixed thing. My expectations wonít make it better or worse. My expectations will change my experience, making it sweeter to my taste, but not necessarily bitter to an objective observer.

Anyway, I agreed with him, yeah, things do seem better if you have low expectations. To myself I added, ďAnd life seems to suck if you always look for a negative.Ē

I have to admit, Iím pretty easy to please.

The whole thing is just a game. Itís a big amusement park. We all have limited time and tickets, and no one knows how much. Some people choose to enjoy it the best they can, and others stomp around the park, pissed off that the turquoise car on the ferris wheel is unavailable, and without that one thing life is not livable.

Even after they get to ride in the magic car, the ride inevitably ends, and the next thing you know, theyíre saying, it wasnít the turquoise car, after all. Itís the red car that will make all the difference.

People have lots of various ways of dealing with their own dissatisfaction.

Life is a stressful situation, especially these days, Iím not denying that, but whatís the point of letting the stress take your life away from you? Desire is there to make you happier, not sadder.

Anyway, Iíd like think that Iím not happy because someone gave me back too much change, I didnít hit any traffic one day, people occasionally think that Iím ten years younger than I am, that I get to surf, or go to cool concerts or anything like that.

That isnít always my reality. Sometimes I sit in traffic for ages, sometimes people try and screw me over, sometimes I get my butt kicked in karate (although, sometimes I kick butt in karate, like tonight, woohoo!), heck, sometimes I get my butt kicked by a surfboard. Sometimes, people donít think Iím younger than I am. Ouch.

No, Iím not spectacularly happy when those things happen, but thatís life. Weíre human beings and thing upset us. If things didnít upset us, we wouldnít have ever figured out how to avoid the bad things.

We get better, too. We can get on with the next thing and enjoy it. Itís possible to always cherish the good, and discourage the bad without drawing a big red circle around it and pointing it out every five minutes.

Thereís no point in quibbling over who has what and why, or who has done what and why. Itís a waste of time.

I guess when I realize that someone is doing that, Iím reminded of all of the times Iíve done that myself. That leads me to be relieved to know that I donít have to do that if I donít want to. I do feel sad for anyone who doesnít know that they donít have to be like that, but all of the other good stuff far outweighs any of that.

And someone is going to be a very sleep deprived girl tomorrow morning, and as long as I don't cause a four car pile-up, I'll be happy.

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Wednesday, Aug. 15, 2007 at 12:34 AM