Iím going back to the chiropractor this evening. I was unexpectedly smacked by a particularly large wave on Sunday. I immediately felt it in my spine. Itís fairly faint. I can only feel the maladjustment when I look for it.

Last night, in karate, it was much more apparent, though. Even to the point where I was feeling sciatica in my arm.

I hope he can fix me in one visit.

It was totally worth it, though. The temperature was perfect, and the waves were great, especially when I saw them coming, or better yet, riding them.

I could have gone without the wetsuit, it was that warm. The shops on the boardwalk were having sales. I got two rash guards for 15 dollars.

Adam is interested in getting certified to dive, which would be wonderful. I have been intending to loan him my dive book, but I keep forgetting it. Also, Iím not entirely sure where it is.

Heís obviously not afraid of water or wetsuits and he does insane things like cliff jumping, so I think he can deal with breathing underwater.

Adam unexpectedly kissed me last week. It was prior to my previous entry, but I wasnít sure what to make of it. Iím still not quite sure, but I didnít break his nose or put him in a wrist lock, so I guess I like him, too.

From what I can tell, I was the only person in Philadelphia who was not expecting it.

Iíd like to say that most social cues are too subtle for me to grasp, but I donít think I can use that as an excuse. Even logically speaking, thereís no real reason that I shouldnít have expected it. Itís true that the whole thing was far too unclear for me to make any sense of it, but I had friends to help me out.

Nice friends that could obviously see things that I couldnít see, but I still had trouble deciphering it. I spent a lot of time staring at it, trying to decide whether or not I wanted to accept my friendsí words about it.

It may be because itís too scary to even consider. I feel like I have an unusually low tolerance for risk in relationships. Generally speaking, I have a terrible time being open with people, and Iím terrified of any significant level of attachment.

When speaking to my friend about this, she told me that Iím practically a super hero, so I should be able to find the courage to do this.

Sheís right, about the ability to find the courage, anyway. Iíve been trying to lock up my terror and be more like a normal person.

Last nightís nightmare wasnít fun, but Iím awake now and awake-life is good.

This weekend, weíre going to a meditation retreat. This is perfect timing. Iíve been planning this retreat for months, but somehow life arranged itself in a way that itís coming just when I need it most.

Iíll be a lot happier after the chiropractor, too.

That makes me wonder about all the people throughout history who lived harsh lives and never had chiropractors. Yay, for the 21st century!

Oh, also, Adamís sister is in fashion design. Iím eager to talk to her about the stupidity of an industry that has women dying to fit the job description. Any artist in any other medium acquires the flexibility to work on various canvas sizes, paper sizes, lumps of clay, room sizes, etc. Why are designers so arrogant to insist that human bodies must be one size?

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Wednesday, Oct. 10, 2007 at 11:16 AM