The past couple of weeks, Iíve been allowing myself to get sleep deprived far too often. Amazingly, Iíve also been doing fairly well with staying off the caffeinated tea.

Friday we went to the haunted tour at eastern state. The lighting effects, fog machines and costumed actors were so abundant that I couldnít even tell I was at the prison. I couldnít deny the effectiveness of the elaborate creation. Itís amazing how logically one knows that thereís nothing to fear inside of something like that, but when your senses are messed up and people are jumping at you, itís almost impossible not to respond.

I wasnít jumping or screaming my head off (like some members of my party), but I definitely felt a change in adrenaline flow. I was more concerned that someone was going to accidentally step on me or trip and fall on me. Since it was dark and people were jumping out of nowhere, running around, and terrifying kids.

I was also working hard to stay composed as possible because I worried that in a total reactionary state, I might hit someone.

I enjoyed myself, though. As I went through the labyrinth I was constantly curious about what was behind the next corner.

I want to go back for a day time historical tour because that is more my speed. My friend Sharon and her boyfriend are interested in going as well, and that would be a good opportunity for them to meet Adam.

Adam is so adorable, Iím almost ashamed of myself, but hey, thatís the body he came in. Who am I to complain?

Anyway, Friday was amusing. Saturday, we went horse back riding, which was lovely. I have minimal experience on a horse and he has even less, but they gave us lessons and gave us wonderful horses. These horses had a lot of experience with helping out new riders, and knew exactly what to do.

The darling I was riding was the ranch ownerís personal horse. The day was gorgeous and the trail was perfect for first time riders. We thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. At the conclusion of our ride, before we were even in the car, we were already talking about our next visit, and friends that weíd like to bring.

By Sunday, we were both so exhausted that we actually opted to stay in our own homes. I spent the time running errands and attempting to catch up on house work. I did catch up on sleep, though. I went to meditation and uncovered an over abundance of fear lurking in my subconscious.

Yesterday, I had an over abundance of anxiety lurking in my conscious. Last night, after my board meeting, I went over to his apartment. I only intended to stay for a short time, but it was 1:30AM before I got out of there.

Now Iím back to sleep deprivation. But today, I feel much better. Iím much more at peace with myself.

I anticipate that it wonít be long before Iíll get over the transition and I wonít be so scared, anymore. Itíll do me some good to spend more time sitting. When Iím going to do that, Iím not sure, but one step at a time.

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Tuesday, Oct. 23, 2007 at 11:01 AM