No matter what, I always feel like my productivity is lacking. I�m never getting done all of the things I feel like I ought to be getting done. Since October has started, I have switched heating oil companies, scolded my home owners insurance company, had my car serviced, been hiking, been surfing, been horse back riding, acquired a boyfriend, attended a weekend retreat, attended a board meeting, found a lost phone (I had to drive across town to get it), tried and failed to get a online calendar tool working, attempted to clean my house, been to a skin doctor twice, and an allergist once (as it turns out, I�m allergic to everything) and got a hair cut. All this, while working full time and going to karate three times a week. That�s just the stuff I can remember.

Me? I�m upset that I didn�t get more done.

I mostly wanted to do more web development, but lately, when I�ve had spare moments� well, nevermind, I haven�t had any of those.

There was a week in there where I almost starved to death because I was too busy to go grocery shopping. I know that the majority of my activities are optional. I obviously choose to be that busy. Most of it came from the mindset of �This is the last gorgeous day of the summer, I must take advantage!�

A couple of things about work; I still have a ton of vacation time left and I haven�t started looking for a new job yet.

I�ve been planning on doing this for awhile and I�ve been seriously dragging my feet. Yesterday morning in my half-awake, half-asleep state, something from my subconscious came to the foreground. I�ll miss my friends. I have coworkers that I know and like and I don�t want to leave them behind.

The vacation time could go towards getting more stuff done. I�m worried that the holidays are going to make things complicated in the realm of getting stuff done, like job hunting.

Maybe I�ll take two weeks off in November and attempt nanowrimo again. I wonder if I could be that solitary. I think in order for me to get any true writing done, I�d have to take my laptop where there is no internet access. I would undoubtedly waste an hour every day pouting about my self-imposed internet ban. At first, anyway.

Hmmmm, that idea is kinda growing on me.

Anyway, I talked to mr crush yesterday, who is now being downgraded to just plain Ryan. I�m still anxious even mentioning him anywhere near the web because I�m pretty sure that if an EMP took out the entire internet, about 80% of it could be restored from his brain.

During the beginning stages of my new relationship, I was worried that Ryan would step in and mess it up somehow. He did suddenly want to start talking to me a lot right before he left the country, but I was mostly unavailable. He was still his extra-geeky, eccentric self, which made me grateful that I now can relate to normal people (for the most part).

For me, it was a happy coincidence that he went out of the country. Was there anything he could�ve done to really mess it up? Well, I suppose it�s possible, but it would have taken some kind of miraculous event. I still felt better knowing he was in another hemisphere.

It feels odd that things didn�t work out like I thought they would, in my conscious mind, anyway. I think my subconscious was quite aware. The sum of my decisions lead me here. Whenever I went off track, it was because I was fighting against my own instincts. I still don�t know what last year�s obsession with him was all about. There must have been a mix-up somewhere or maybe it was just plain insanity.

I don�t think any speculation on that will be very useful. Although, I do find this Fall to be an interest contrast to last Fall.

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