Very tired. I need to start getting more sleep. How long have I been saying that?

I spoke to Neil on Friday. Out of nowhere (I havenít heard from him in months), he said hello to me and brought up aspergers. He told me that he was being evaluated for it. I congratulated him for finally seeking treatment. We then caught up a little bit on our recent doings, and that was that.

Today, he left me a note about it. He sent me a link to a long and detailed description of aspergers and asked me if any of it sounded familiar from when we were together. You know, because Iíve been breathlessly sitting here for two years, just waiting to have the opportunity to spend my morning researching aspergers, so I could dredge up painful memories, in order to help diagnose my crazy exboyfriend.

I skimmed it over briefly, and replied that I couldnít remember very well, but I do remember that at the time, I thought he had aspergers. Again, I congratulated him for seeking treatment and thought that was that.

He came back with a sarcastic comment about my memory. Then I realized that I donít need to think back two years, I can have a conversation with him now and notice the symptoms. I did not bother telling him.

I was immediately irritated. Then I realized that I havenít been that annoyed with anyone since I broke up with him. This made me incredibly grateful for the people I have chosen to keep company with over the past two years.

Itís not easily definable, but there is a definite distinction between being treated like an object and being treated like a person. Itís so hard to define, that unless a person has actually taken the time to learn to differentiate the two, we only recognize it because one feels bad and the other feels good.

Because itís not overt, itís very difficult to not absorb it, to not let it creep into your psyche and affect your feelings about yourself.

So I emailed my sane boyfriend and told him how wonderful he is.

The two of us had a lovely weekend. We went salsa dancing on Friday night. Saturday morning, we drove up to NYC, where I was given the gift of meeting some of his closest friends; people he grew up with and people he roomed with in college.

We spent time with Tony and stayed over at his condo. The next morning, we went to a temple to meditate. We then had lunch with his sister, who astounded me with a beautiful mix of courage and kindness.

Who knew people like this existed in the real world? This is why I donít sleep. I canít get enough of those who are good to me.

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Tuesday, Nov. 06, 2007 at 4:18 PM