Well, Iím thinking about changing things around again. I mean, possibly abandoning diaryland. I love the simplicity of this place, but itís old-old-fashioned.

Also, I think Iím just not cut-out to be an online diarist. I donít have the stomach for putting myself out there. So, I think itís time for a more modern-day blog. The kind of thing where I donít put down personal information, but I also take credit for what I am saying. Rather than being of a personal nature, just make it informative. Rather than attempting anonymity, just be blatant about who I am.

It sounds silly, I know, but Iíve often changed sites and usernames because my anonymity had been compromised against my will.

Itís different when itís a choice. Choosing to reveal myself to a reader or choosing to reveal my diary to a friend is a different issue, and I always choose carefully when doing so.

The result of my fear has been that my writing has become pale and stagnant. Itís uninteresting, uninformative and disorganized. I am not me, because when Iím here, I donít know who I am. Am I my public persona or am I my private self?

I realize that for many people, there is no line between the two. The indoor person and the outdoor person are the same person. Thatís not me, though. Because of the nature of the web these days, my indoor person canít communicate with the outdoors anymore.

I am happy to be open and direct with specific people, but not the whole world.

I opened a new account and if I am ambitious enough, Iíll start posting useful things there. I will link from here to there in the yaketyyak fashion. However, itís unlikely that personal stuff will travel to the next site, and when that happens, Iíll be deleting my archives here, again.

Itís partly because of the realization is that I donít exist in a jar. The things that affect me, affect the people in my life. Now that I actually have people in my life, thatís a real consideration.

However, I can say harmless stuff, like, tonight, Iím going salsa dancing, woohoo!

Tomorrow, Iím going to karate and then to Nicoleís birthday party, yay!

Sunday, Iím going to see the Renoir exhibit, yippee!

I was supposed to hike on Sunday, but someone offered me the tickets for Renoir. Because I called Adam immediately, I was able to say that I would definitely use the tickets and therefore, they went to me. Any wishy-washy, maybe I can-maybe I canít, type of response, would have meant the tickets would have gone to a more someone more enthusiastic.

I must say, this is quite a luxury. I would have never felt comfortable calling the ex-husband or the ex-boyfriend at work if I wasnít about to die and needed someone to make sure my cats didnít starve to death. In this case, I know that my calls are more than welcome, even at work. Heís happy to hear from me and thinks itís awesome that I acquired tickets for Renoir.

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Friday, Dec. 14, 2007 at 12:34 PM