I wrote this entry last week, but didn't get around to posting it until this morning.

Iím just trying to kill time at work.

Iím not feeling particularly tired. I went to sleep around 10PM last night. Earlier in the evening, I had a chiropractic adjustment and although, I wasnít in any pain prior to the adjustment, my bed suddenly felt ten times more comfortable than it had been during the past few weeks. I slept soundly.

I also had a nightmare last night. I donít like disturbing dreams, but I think that itís possible that itís a form of expression, and it helps bring stuff up and get it out of my head.

Oh, did I mention the retreat two weekends ago? I was fighting sleep throughout most of the meditations. I felt like I didnít benefit as much as I usually do, and I was disappointed. Later that evening, I was invited to go to dinner with the zen priest, and since significant others are included, I brought Adam.

Well, when the president of my Buddhist organization asked me if I was coming, I told him that I had Adam with me, and I could only come if he was invited. He said, ďYes, spouses, significant others, and special friends are invited.Ē

I had no idea that it was obvious that he was my special friend. That makes me wonder if Ryan noticed.

Oh yes, we ran into him at meditation. I know, superficially, itís totally meaningless. I found it meaningful, but only in a funny way. I say that because Adam has only ever attended my usual sitting once (Iíve only attended his usual sitting once, as well), and Ryan hadnít been there for at least a year. If the thought had even occurred to me, I would have believed the odds to be pretty small.

Somehow, I missed a bright red prius parked immediately next to the staircase outside. I walked in and almost walked straight into him. I was so shocked that I stopped and stared, mainly because I am the least suave person on Earth. Itís not awkwardness. Itís more like my communication systems tend to be the first thing to shut down when something unexpected happens.

Introductions were being made while I stood in the middle of the floor, speechless and staring at this poor man, who, in turn, became uncomfortable and looked away from me.

So, thatís why it was funny. Funny, in one way, because I usually sense things like that coming ahead of time, and obviously, my brain went out itís way to not mention it before I got there (because it has a sense of humor, too), and well, it was just funny.

I think everyone who knows me knows Iím a bit weird, which means it doesnít matter. My handsome young man was with me, and maybe people believe that I wouldnít be travelling with a handsome young man for purely practical reasons (and maybe I wouldnít be). Of course, most of them are old. Iím sure that makes a difference, too.

Itís not any concern of mine, except maybe that in his eyes, it makes me look a bit like a crazy girl who goes after anything with a set of prayer beads and a zafu (totally not true, Adam uses a bench). Maybe subconsciously itís true, but it certainly didnít seem like it at the time.

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Tuesday, Feb. 26, 2008 at 4:35 PM