Saturday, I was covered head to toe in mud. I went to the middle of PA to one of the few caves that hasnít been closed due to white nose syndrome. Caving has been on my always-wanted-to-do list for awhile. Unlike most of my adventurer friends, I am not a thrill-seeker, but Iím an explorer. Just like diving, caving is looking at the world from another angle.

It turned out to be lucky that the only people who came on this trip were the small, athletic ones. Or maybe it wasnít luck. Maybe most people are just smart about which trips to avoid. The spaces were tight and the climbing was difficult.

My new job has people that are more my own age, and I had expected that they would be more appreciative of my lifestyle. As it turns out, my lifestyle is something that appeals to old people only.

I was unique at my previous company because I was much younger than the average employee, but the people loved me. They were excited and interested in everything I did.

I had no idea that people in my own demographic were mostly TV watchers and spent so much time on celebrity gossip. I had no idea that it was odd to prefer a life of your own over poring over someone elseís.

All this time, Iíd been considering myself to an average person, but Iím finding that I really, really donít fit in. Perhaps itís because there is almost no common ground (I donít watch TV, and the only radio I listen to is NPR (Iím a member, too)), but I sense something else there, too.

Iíve gone from being a company-wide celebrity toÖ someone else. I canít grasp it, exactly.

Iím still thinking it over, obviously. It seems that I am a different kind of person. Itís lucky that I am not the kind of person that needs to be admired and accepted because thereís no danger of that happening any time soon.

Whatever it is that my role in life turns out to be, I think Iíll be ok with it.

I never fit in as a kid, either, and that might be part of why it doesnít bother me so much now.

Also, I just have too many other things to worry about to worry about them.

My rakusu kit came in the mail today. Iím going through with the precept study.

During this past weekend, I was only half-joking when I told Adam that I was thinking about becoming a monk. They totally have it made. The part I love most about the lifestyle is the routine. I told him about how much I love routine. I think most people would die if they ever caught themselves saying that, but I am happy to eat the same foods and do the same activities every week.

A few weeks ago, I changed my karate schedule around so I could fit in some other activities and for those two days, all I could think about was how wrong everything felt. I decided that I have to wait awhile before I rearrange my karate schedule again. Otherwise, Iíll probably have a freak-out session.

Anyway, Adam said, ďWhen? You mean thatís what youíre going to do after I die, right?Ē

I told him that I had the distinct feeling that heíll outlive me. I usually feel like Iím going to outlive other people, but not in his case.

Itís not something that really occurred to me before, but in light of my complete oddness compared to the average late-20s/early-30s corporate slave, Iím thinking that being a monk might not be so bad.

Iíd just be surrounding myself with old people again, really. Iím not similar to them, either, but at least they like me.

It doesnít bother me to be different. It bothers me that it bothers them that Iím different. Maybe in most cases, people have to live awhile to start appreciating the differences.

I was also telling Adam that Iím thinking about starting an adventure blog. I like to take pictures when Iím out and I got a lot of nice hiking and caving pictures, lately. I feel that I donít have the time. He said that I had plenty of life to live and plenty of adventures that I could potentially blog about in the future, even if I donít have the time to do it now.

I donít know about that. I keep wondering how many years I can uphold this lifestyle.

For the past few years, I thought I was a weirdo who was becoming normal, but I guess I am actually a weirdo who is getting weirder. I wonder where Iíll be when Iím old.

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Monday, May. 19, 2008 at 10:34 PM