Iíve been getting a lot of exercise the past three weeks. I think the change in the weather has been a big help. Itís getting to the point where I can start wearing my old clothes again. My main problem with having gone up in size (the first time in my life since I was about 14) wasnít so much the number but that most of my clothes no longer fit.
I was so depressing to look in my closet in the morning and think, ďI really like that top/pair of pants/skirt/whatever but I canít fit into it now.Ē I was determined to not buy a whole new wardrobe.
Speaking of which, I do need to clean out my closet. I tend to wear my clothes until they are threadbare, frayed, holed, stained and completely unsalvageable. Iím rough on my clothes. You know my lifestyle. They canít be given away. Is there such a thing as clothes recycling?
Anyway, Iím not totally back into my old clothes yet. With this whole size-change incident, my biggest concern has been whether or not I would have to buy new clothes. When I realized this, I also realized that this makes me slightly less vain than I originally believed myself to be. It also makes me slightly more frugal.
The yoga workshop helped me feel a little better.
Halfway through the day on Saturday, I was sitting upright on my knees, wet clothes clinging to me and muscles warm and humming softly. I experienced a sensation that told me that Iíve been doing this for centuries. Strangely enough, although I am a practitioner of a belief-system that includes reincarnation, I never fully adopted that one. We donít focus too much on worries of the past and future, anyway, so it was never much of a big deal to me.
I guess I had been clinging to the idea that if I had previously lived before this life, there would be some kind of clue or memory; something deep in my gut that would verify a thing as fundamental as that about my existence. As much of a rationalist as I am, I still leave spiritual matters to my intuition.
At this point, I never expected to ever feel any sort of clue. This one ran me down like a locomotive. I got the sense that throughout the ages, Iíve always been a warrior with a strong spiritual practice. Regardless of where Iím born, thatís where I gravitate.
I practice yoga, but how often do I really push myself to the limit of my abilities? Not that often. I practice sitting meditation, but Iím usually sitting at the time. I push myself physically, but Iím usually not in a spiritual state at the time. Iím not listening. I had to combine the two to make it obvious to me.
If this is true, it makes me wonder how often people gravitate towards a station in a previous life? Maybe they only start doing that after theyíve done this as long as I have. Iím pretty sure that Iíve been doing this a long, long time.
|Wednesday, Apr. 22, 2009 at 12:11 AM|