I�ve been getting a lot of exercise the past three weeks. I think the change in the weather has been a big help. It�s getting to the point where I can start wearing my old clothes again. My main problem with having gone up in size (the first time in my life since I was about 14) wasn�t so much the number but that most of my clothes no longer fit.

I was so depressing to look in my closet in the morning and think, �I really like that top/pair of pants/skirt/whatever but I can�t fit into it now.� I was determined to not buy a whole new wardrobe.

Speaking of which, I do need to clean out my closet. I tend to wear my clothes until they are threadbare, frayed, holed, stained and completely unsalvageable. I�m rough on my clothes. You know my lifestyle. They can�t be given away. Is there such a thing as clothes recycling?

Anyway, I�m not totally back into my old clothes yet. With this whole size-change incident, my biggest concern has been whether or not I would have to buy new clothes. When I realized this, I also realized that this makes me slightly less vain than I originally believed myself to be. It also makes me slightly more frugal.

The yoga workshop helped me feel a little better.

Halfway through the day on Saturday, I was sitting upright on my knees, wet clothes clinging to me and muscles warm and humming softly. I experienced a sensation that told me that I�ve been doing this for centuries. Strangely enough, although I am a practitioner of a belief-system that includes reincarnation, I never fully adopted that one. We don�t focus too much on worries of the past and future, anyway, so it was never much of a big deal to me.

I guess I had been clinging to the idea that if I had previously lived before this life, there would be some kind of clue or memory; something deep in my gut that would verify a thing as fundamental as that about my existence. As much of a rationalist as I am, I still leave spiritual matters to my intuition.

At this point, I never expected to ever feel any sort of clue. This one ran me down like a locomotive. I got the sense that throughout the ages, I�ve always been a warrior with a strong spiritual practice. Regardless of where I�m born, that�s where I gravitate.

I practice yoga, but how often do I really push myself to the limit of my abilities? Not that often. I practice sitting meditation, but I�m usually sitting at the time. I push myself physically, but I�m usually not in a spiritual state at the time. I�m not listening. I had to combine the two to make it obvious to me.

If this is true, it makes me wonder how often people gravitate towards a station in a previous life? Maybe they only start doing that after they�ve done this as long as I have. I�m pretty sure that I�ve been doing this a long, long time.

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Wednesday, Apr. 22, 2009 at 12:11 AM