I meant to take tonight to do some studying for yoga teacher training, but I can't get it together. I've been exceptionally scatter-brained, lately. Physically, I've been feeling like a old rag that's been wrung out hard too many times between floor scrubbings.

Yesterday, in yoga, I got so dizzy and weak that I fell on my face. It was from crow pose, so I didn't have far to fall. The reason I fell was because I was taking the advice of my teacher's teacher, who said that the secret to crow is to not be afraid of falling on your face. So, I took the pose, unafraid to fall, and fell on my face.

It was also because I've done that pose before without problems and felt that meant I shouldn't have any problems this time around, despite being dizzy and weak.

I think my problem stems from lack of appetite. I haven't been able to eat much for a few weeks. If you want to know the truth, I haven't had any appetite since I found out that witty died.

I was up late, eating something at the time, and read it online and then whatever was in my mouth instantly turned to sawdust.

I'm like that, losing my appetite when I'm upset. But, anyway, it hasn't caused me to lose any weight, but that might be because I haven't done much exercising, either.

I've been feeling pretty worn out.

I'm not sure where to go from here; the dead guinea pigs or the dentist?

I'll start with the guinea pigs. I went to a friend's house last week to give her some reiki. She has 7 kids; 6 boys and 1 girl. Five of the 7 are between the ages of 12 and 6, the other two are teenagers. On top of that, she has a dog, a cat, and had 3 guinea pigs.

I can't imagine anyone needing reiki more than someone who is the caregiver for so many. I was glad she accepted when I offered it to her last week.

This morning, I got a message from her informing that she had her guinea pigs outside in the backyard last week (they like to eat the grass) and they came in contact with a poisonous toad. Two died, the third, they were able to stop before he got near the toad.

As an animal lover herself, with a household full of young kids, who just lost two beloved pets, her life hasn't so easy this past week.

Understandably, she asked for more reiki. I told her that I have obligations every night this week, so maybe the weekend or early next week would work out better. While it's true that I do have obligations every night this week, and I'm crazy exhausted, I couldn't help but feel terribly guilty that I couldn't rush over there the second I left work.

As for tonight's obligation, I had a dentist appointment. Nothing crucial, but I did get a chance to talk to him more about oral surgery.

It's something that does not absolutely need to be done immediately, but needs to be done eventually. I have three baby teeth and an underdeveloped jaw bone that couldn't support adult teeth in one spot, even if I grew them.

I've always believed that this problem was a genetic deformity, but yesterday, I suddenly remembered an article I read a long time ago about how children in highly stressful situations for prolonged periods of time tend to stop growing. The majority of my adult teeth came in, but the remainder of my teeth should have come in during a time when things were especially dire with my family.

Stressed out kids end up with stunted growth. With that on my mind, I immediately thought, "Damn! I knew I was meant to be taller!"

I passed that by Adam and he reminded me that my mom is under five feet tall and I'm about 6 inches taller than my mothers sister (who is also under five feet tall, but in her case, it's not even close). I argued that all the women of my generation on my dad's side of the family are between 5'8" and 5'10" and I'm not even close to them.

Well, there's no way to ever know, but I guess I can chose to feel ripped off or not. At least I've never had to worry about being too tall for anything.

All of that is irrelevant now. The only relevant thing is the question of my teeth.

Because of the wonderful health care system we have in this country, the oral surgery needed to correct my baby tooth problem is not covered by insurance.

It's all very complicated and boring, so I won't get into it now. The only exciting part is that I'll get to have a bone graft! From donors! Other people's bone stuff is going to go into my jaw! No, I'm not being sarcastic. I really do find that exciting.

I'm still trying to figure out how much this is going to cost me and the financial planning involved. It worries me because of all that stuff I said an entry or two ago about wanting to change my career.

If I decide to have the oral surgery, then that plan could be set back another year. If I don't have it done, then I could develop serious dental problems during an inconvenient time in the future. Do serious problems ever develop during a convenient time?


Speaking of being tall, the other night, I had a dream that I was a runway model. I was terrified and thinking that I was too fat and would be fired any minute. I told Adam about it and he said, "Hm, that explains a few things."

I said, "Yes, I suppose so." But, honestly, I have no clue what he's talking about.

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Tuesday, Aug. 03, 2010 at 8:54 PM