My anxiety has been showing itself a lot this past week. I've not been sleeping well and I have been having a lot of neck pain. My back and neck have also been cracking a lot. Maybe that's yoga related, though.

I tried teaching myself a yoga class tonight. It went so-so. My timing sucks.

I've not good at this and it's driving me crazy. I haven't wanted to admit that my poor yoga performances bother me as much as they do. The fact that I find this so challenging is bugging the hell out of me.

I told Adam about it and he said, "You know what your problem is? You're problem is that you're too good at everything else. As soon as you're doing just average in something, you get all upset and impatient. Just give it some time! That's what everyone else does when they start something new."

I don't know where he got this whole "good at everything else" notion. He's hardly even been around for my really impressive stuff. I more see myself as someone who was once naturally good at a lot of things. Now I'm the crazy person who can't teach yoga. I'm the tired girl who can barely go out for a run, anymore. I'm the stressed out office worker that no longer has any ambition. I'm the woman who LOST HER MP3 PLAYER and got really pissed off and frustrated.

I found it again, by the way. No need to call the cops.

This is not to say that I don't have any faith in myself. If there's one thing I can do, it's try as hard as necessary to be insanely perfectionist about any project.

Well. I don't know. I'm not as young as I used to be. I don't have the patience that I used to have, either. I'm not as idealistic. And, I know, this is the kind of thinking that leads to things like shag carpeting.

I guess I'm still in the wavering/unsure stage.

Tomorrow evening I get another massage. I did end up buying a massage package, and in hindsight, I don't know what the hell I was thinking, but maybe after tomorrow, I'll remember again.

Considering all the crackling that might spine has been doing, it couldn't hurt. Especially with Julia, the woman with the magic fingers.

I would like to express myself as accurately as possible before I end tonight. So, ARAHGHGHAHARAARRRGHGHGHAAARRGHGHG!

Times a million.

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Monday, Aug. 09, 2010 at 8:53 PM