I started a blog. I know, someone who updates as rarely as I do has no business starting a blog. I'm imagining that if I call it a blog, then I'll feel more obligation towards updating it. It has a real focus.

I call this an online diary. Which explains the lack of focus, editing or cohesiveness.

How I'll explain the lack of focus, editing or cohesiveness on the blog, I don't know.

Anyway, it's the same ol' same ol' here. Stress, neck pain, anxiety. Bad dreams. Grey hair. Feeling sick.

I am getting better, really. It's just very slow and steady, as it should be. I don't want to get on a rollercoaster that's only going to put me on an endless track of ups and downs. I'm more interested in climbing up onto a plateau of normalcy and staying there.

Saturday, we went to a party. I actually had fun. I'm an introvert that can turn on the extrovert when necessary, but it takes energy. That's true most of the time, anyway, but this time, rather than coming home feeling spent from the effort of finding interest and enthusiasm in things that normally do not interest or enthuse me, I came home feeling energized. We came home after midnight and Adam had to shush me between the car and the house because I was talking with so much energy and animation. And no, I wasn't drunk, unless someone spiked my ginger ale. I've never had a drink in my life (although, there are many times that I feel like I should start).

I used to be much more like that when I was younger. I still had the quiet introversion, for sure, but there were many times that it exploded into energetic extroversion, for no apparent reason.

It could be the sugar. I have a sensitivity. Ginger ale, cupcakes, black forest cake.

The next day, I felt the sugar crash. Adam went up to north Jersey to do his fantasy football thing, so I was home alone all day Sunday. I had domestic ambitions. I did the laundry, but as far as anything else, the best I could do was haul out the vacuum and stare at it. I inadvertently left it where I would have to walk around it every time I went in or out of the kitchen, and I didn't even move it from there.

I didn't move it the next morning before work, either. I came home that evening to see Adam moving it out of the way.

This week, I decided to sign up for private dance lessons. I figure that I need a refresher and I don't want to waste time in a beginner class. I got the name of "the best male salsa instructor in Philadelphia" from Nicole because I trust her judgment. I contacted his studio, gasped at the steep price and chose to pay it, anyway.

I figure that early on in training is when it's most important to have a good teacher because that's when habits are formed. Or, maybe I'm an elitist snob, especially when it comes to people knowing their craft.

Looking back over the past month or so, I've splurged on a massage package, a fairly steeply priced yoga teacher training workshop, a smart phone, and now private dance lessons.

This is not the behavior of someone looking to downshift into a less lucrative career.

Who does this kind of stuff, anyway? I can tell by the stunned reactions of the massage therapist and the girl at the dance studio that the answer to my question is not many.

Maybe it's just the economy and people who tend to provide luxury services are struggling now.

I can't really explain myself, but I'm not sure it's necessary. Who would I be explaining to, anyway? Myself?

I'm happy and excited about these things. A couple of times a day, I'll bring up my calendar and look at my scheduled items, just to enjoy seeing them in my future.

Because of these things, I don't have the availability for much else, so I don't have to worry about impulse buying more trapeze lessons or anything. Which, I did last year, and loved.

After I get myself massaged and well-trained, I'll have yoga classes to teach and probably reiki to give.

Exercise has been better for me during the past few weeks. This week, I haven't been feeling good. I'm not sure if it's a cold, allergies or the problems I was having with my throat chakra before.

I even got up an hour early to do yoga on Monday morning. Power yoga. It was rough as hell, but I felt pretty good for the rest of the day.

When this heat finally breaks, which, at this rate, I'm thinking will be sometime around Christmas, I'll probably start running outside again.

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Tuesday, Aug. 31, 2010 at 9:28 PM