Eeeep.

I canít believe that I actually got a comment on the blog. Not a comment from a friend, acquaintance or relative, but a random comment from a stranger. Of course, I expected to get random comments from strangers, but not so soon. I feel like Iím still in the construction phase over there. Iím still working on figuring out what a real blog entry looks like. I still feel like I have a long way to go before my writing style even reaches a readable quality.

I wanted to at least write an ďAboutĒ section, and write something about reiki that actually sounds reasonable, rather than something sounds like it was written by a new-age hippy thatís slowly descending into dementia after too many years of pot abuse, and during an acid trip thought, ďI really want to write an article on reiki. THIS will really connect to people.Ē

Reiki is not an easy topic, which is why so many of the articles sound so whacked.

On top of that, I havenít really written anything, besides email, and this diary, in about a decade, let alone writing anything seriously.

Iíve been planning to have Adam look it over and give me suggestions for my writing style. When he asked about it, I told him that I wasnít ready, yet. I needed to brace myself, and build up some confidence before getting any real criticism. I was working my way in that direction, but I wasnít there, yet.

Also, his writing style is way, way different from mine, so I was trying to figure out exactly how I would look at his advice (yes, Iím planning on how Iíll take it before Iíve even heard it).

Iíve been working extra hard the past couple of weeks to meet some deadlines at work. The deadlines have passed, so, today will be a little more laid back. I should just bite the bullet and write an ďAboutĒ section. Then I may bite the bullet even harder and ask Adam to look at it.

Oy.

I have been pushing myself pretty hard, lately. Last night, I spent a little over an hour practicing salsa. On Tuesday night, I had Adam re-vamp my weight-lifting/strength routine because I felt like it was getting a bit stale after a summer of semi-consistent training. Last night, I did the new routine and it was pretty strenuous. It uses some muscles that I donít normally work, which is exactly what I wanted, but it exhausting (I kept most of my old exercises, just added new ones).

Tuesday, I had done the usual hike/run in the park followed by the weights. I am getting in better shape, but my progress still seems very slow. I do think that serious changes should always be made slowly, otherwise, thereís no time to acclimate to the difference, and it throws everything out off balance.

Iíve noticed that a lot of bloggers out there complain about the influx of hate mail thatís generated by their blogs, especially women. Despite being a member of the internet community since 1994, Iíve hardly ever gotten any hateful messages. The times I have gotten hateful remarks, they were so obviously random and impersonal, that they virtually had no affect on me. I didnít even get much hate mail when I had especially whiny or self-pitying homepages/diaries/blogs whatever you want to call them. Then again, I grew up in the Ď90s, when that kind of stuff was very in vogue.

I donít know why women complain about this more. It could be that women are picked on more because itís traditionally ďunfeminineĒ to have an opinion of oneís own, especially if that opinion includes ideas about women having strength and independence.

It could be that men and women are equally picked on in the blogosphere, but women are more sensitive to it because weíre socialized to adjust our behavior based on the kind of feedback weíre getting. When we get negative feedback we feel more picked on because weíve been taught from the beginning that we must heed advice from others.

Since men are not socialized with the expectation that they must adjust themselves to the people around them, they might not consider negative feedback to be much of a threat. It could also be that when they do feel threatened by it, they donít complain because they have been socialized to always act confident in themselves, regardless of how they actually feel inside.

Or maybe itís a combination of all of those things.

I think the main reason I never got much hate mail is because my readership has always been pretty low. There are a couple of instances where I started getting an audience, and when that has happened, I didnít like the attention, and I closed up shop. I liked to be an electronic nomad.

I can only imagine that if I let it go long enough, and worked to broaden my audience, that I would definitely get hateful messages. I mean, people say hateful things about Elizabeth Gilbert, for Godís sake, and all she did was talk about herself. If people can be pissed about that, they can be pissed about anything.

Then again, I am from a culture and generation where there focusing on oneself is fairly common and accepted. Weíre also living in a world where any kind of presumption will draw a lot of criticism, too. Weíve learned that making generalizations and speaking for others leads to hurt and misunderstanding. Weíre not a one-size-fits-all or even one-size-fits-some society. If you canít talk about other people, and you canít talk about yourself, whatís left? The weather?

That was a bit of aside that just occurred to me while in the middle of writing about me. Anyway, I didnít get much sleep last night, so Iím not really in my best form. I also have the beginning of a yoga teacher training workshop tonight. It will go all weekend, but Iím mostly worried about tonight.

Yoga all weekend, and then Iíve got to focus on dance, then Iíve got a Buddhist retreat and then go back to focusing on dance.

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Friday, Sept. 24, 2010 at 11:34 AM