Does it seem like the new year has been bad for just about everyone? I know so many people who suddenly had their lives turned upside down or experienced ridiculous strings of bad luck. Maybe the world really is ending.

I havenít been feeling so great, either. The past few months, itís been very difficult for me to lay down to sleep without scary things flashing before my eyes, just as Iím falling asleep. I jump up, like an electric current just zapped me, and sit there in bed, bewildered with my heart pounding. After having this experience a dozen or so times per night for a few months, Iím starting to feel a bit ďoff.Ē

If by ďoffĒ I mean, stark raving mad.

I donít like to talk about it much because it makes me feel like a loon to bring up the fact that my own mind is a sadistic bastard, and my worst enemy.

Also, Iím tired of it pushing me into conventional therapy, which hasnít gotten me anywhere, except resenting a wide variety of doctors and therapists.

I donít mind seeing a therapist for relationship counseling. When it comes to relating to people, an outside perspective can help a lot. For me, on a personal level, I canít cope with it.

Of course, long ago, Iíve realized that for certain people and certain kinds of suffering, there isnít anything that can be done. Iím beginning to think that the quicker and easier those involved accept that, the better things will be. Not perfect, but at least there wonít be so much agonizing over looking for a fix.

Much of my life, I just stayed busy, kept myself distracted, worked out a lot, so I tired myself out by the end of the day.

As far as that goes, thereís really not much else to say beyond that.

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Monday, Jan. 31, 2011 at 2:22 PM