Itís amazing how much better I feel when I give the throat chakra the attention that it needs. Iíve spent so much time floundering and feeling blocked. Rather than treating myself, Iíve been chalking it up to, ďThis is just where I am, right now.Ē

I was right, it was just where I happened to be at the time, but that doesnít mean I couldnít do something about it. Before I berate myself for not immediately recognizing my needs and immediately fixing them, I also have to note that I eventually did do something about it. I took the initiative to start the wheels turning on my healing. I knew that I was having serious energy issues. It took me awhile to even approach my reiki teacher about it because I didnít want to take up her time, and be a bother.

Am I like the poster child for co-dependency or what? Seriously.

I was practically giving myself cancer over here, and I wouldnít ask for help because I perceived it to be too much of a bother for someone who has told me time and time again, ďIf you ever need anything from me, just ask. I mean it, anything

But, like I said, eventually, I did. Rather than spending too much time lamenting my idiocy, I should be celebrating my ability to eventually break the pattern.

Thatís the thing about human beings. Weíve got patterns, and we love our patterns. We love our patterns so much that weíll tell ourselves elaborate stories to get ourselves to buy our own patterns.

Itís amazing what some of us have to do to crawl out of our holes. At this stage, I can see that my healing is going to be a long process.

It makes me wonder what goes on with other people. In my case, I only really know about me and my immediate family and maybe a few things about my extended family and my friends. As far as the rest of the world, I have no clue what people are going through, if they arenít having a newsworthy crisis.

Anyway, Iím shocked that itís Thursday, already. Where has this week gone?

My body is going through a lull, this week, so Iíve not gone to dance or zumba. I might do yoga tonight, depending on how I feel. Adam is away. Heís in NYC with friends. One of his friends had an extra ticket to the taping of the Daily Show.

I could use the quiet time. Adam has been home a lot because he injured his hamstring, so his normally sports-playing body has been a couch-sitting body. Iíve missed being home alone for a block of a few hours at a time.

Also, tomorrow night, my brother is flying in, but at least Iíll be on vacation by then, and hopefully my job stress will be on hold for the time heíll be in town.

An evening to reboot the system will definitely be useful.

Under previous circumstances, I would have probably forced physical activity tonight. My head misses it. I want to dance! My body is tired, though. Itís run down. Forcing physical activity when Iím run-down has often led to illness. Iím still figuring out the best way to go about things.

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Thursday, Jun. 30, 2011 at 4:39 PM