It�s amazing how much better I feel when I give the throat chakra the attention that it needs. I�ve spent so much time floundering and feeling blocked. Rather than treating myself, I�ve been chalking it up to, �This is just where I am, right now.�

I was right, it was just where I happened to be at the time, but that doesn�t mean I couldn�t do something about it. Before I berate myself for not immediately recognizing my needs and immediately fixing them, I also have to note that I eventually did do something about it. I took the initiative to start the wheels turning on my healing. I knew that I was having serious energy issues. It took me awhile to even approach my reiki teacher about it because I didn�t want to take up her time, and be a bother.

Am I like the poster child for co-dependency or what? Seriously.

I was practically giving myself cancer over here, and I wouldn�t ask for help because I perceived it to be too much of a bother for someone who has told me time and time again, �If you ever need anything from me, just ask. I mean it, anything.�

But, like I said, eventually, I did. Rather than spending too much time lamenting my idiocy, I should be celebrating my ability to eventually break the pattern.

That�s the thing about human beings. We�ve got patterns, and we love our patterns. We love our patterns so much that we�ll tell ourselves elaborate stories to get ourselves to buy our own patterns.

It�s amazing what some of us have to do to crawl out of our holes. At this stage, I can see that my healing is going to be a long process.

It makes me wonder what goes on with other people. In my case, I only really know about me and my immediate family and maybe a few things about my extended family and my friends. As far as the rest of the world, I have no clue what people are going through, if they aren�t having a newsworthy crisis.

Anyway, I�m shocked that it�s Thursday, already. Where has this week gone?

My body is going through a lull, this week, so I�ve not gone to dance or zumba. I might do yoga tonight, depending on how I feel. Adam is away. He�s in NYC with friends. One of his friends had an extra ticket to the taping of the Daily Show.

I could use the quiet time. Adam has been home a lot because he injured his hamstring, so his normally sports-playing body has been a couch-sitting body. I�ve missed being home alone for a block of a few hours at a time.

Also, tomorrow night, my brother is flying in, but at least I�ll be on vacation by then, and hopefully my job stress will be on hold for the time he�ll be in town.

An evening to reboot the system will definitely be useful.

Under previous circumstances, I would have probably forced physical activity tonight. My head misses it. I want to dance! My body is tired, though. It�s run down. Forcing physical activity when I�m run-down has often led to illness. I�m still figuring out the best way to go about things.

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Thursday, Jun. 30, 2011 at 4:39 PM