Sunday, I did about an hour and a half of yoga. Yesterday, I meditated for about twenty minutes. I didn�t feel great after either exercise. This morning, I woke up feeling good. Finally!

It always takes me a few days, which can be so frustrating.

My brother sent me email talking about how he�s angry with our dad. They had a heated email exchange that was a continuation of the argument that they had when my brother was home.

After I offered my opinion on it, bro sent me the actual exchange. Wow. My dad is such an ass!

My dad can�t tolerate being challenged. My brother was challenging him, but he was being nice and sensitive about it.

Even though this wasn�t the same thing, it reminded me my childhood. I�d bring up an issue with him, and he�d do the equivalent of sticking his fingers in his ears and saying, �LA LALALALA LALA! I CAN�T HEAR YOOOOOUUU!�

Eventually, I�d give up, and then he�d take his fingers out of his ears and say something like, �Isn�t it great how we get along so well? We hardly ever fight.�

Maddening!

It�s enough to drive anyone bonkers. My mom lucked out with going schizophrenic early in their marriage.

After all of that, I was feeling anxious again. I did another 20 minutes of meditation, and I was struck by how vulnerable I am feeling. I feel like my skin is new and soft. I�m naked. I�m out in the woods, and there are lots of sharp objects around.

It�s amazing the kinds of things vulnerability will drive a person to do.

I�m feeling better this week than last week. Last week, I spent a lot of time resting and sleeping and not working out. At all.

I�ve actually managed to wrangle myself into a place where I�m in good enough shape that taking a week off will not bring me dire results.

A few weeks ago, I was complaining about being fat, again, but mostly in the context of my friends. When I first met my group of friends a few years ago, they were fit people. I was more like a machine. Now, it�s the other way around. The p90x craze has hit them hard, and now they all look like machines. I�m relatively fit, but I still feel like a soft, fleshy blob.

I was complaining to Adam about how the standard is so high. How I feel like amongst them, even the tiniest amount of fat makes a body unacceptable.

It�s not like they�re telling me that I�m fat or anything. They�re decent human beings. If they comment on my appearance, at all, it�s to tell me that I look great.

That conversation resulted in me discussing my workout routine with Adam in more detail. He adjusted a few things, and I feel like I�m already getting better results. I made sure to tell him.

He worked as a personal trainer, but he hasn�t been in the field for over ten years. Fitness is a field that changes rapidly, so I�m constantly questioning his advice, especially if it sounds fishy to me. I may be nothing more than a fitness enthusiast, but at least I make some kind of effort to keep up on the latest studies.

It�s not that I dismiss him entirely, but I do take it with a grain of salt. He knows this, so when he tells me something, and it works out, I want him to know.

In the case of some of my friends, they�ve just always looked amazing. It�s partially genetics and partially an active lifestyle. They�re the ones that would be annoying if they weren�t so likeable, otherwise.

I read an unsubstantiated, highly speculative, silly article last week that said that women had the tendency to make friends with women who are about the same attractiveness level as themselves.

We supposedly do this because we�re expecting to attract a man who is about the same attractiveness level as ourselves, as well. When we go out with our friends, we don�t want to be with someone who is a lot less attractive than us because that�ll scare off the men. We don�t want to be with a friend who is a lot more attractive because then they�ll get all the attention. We want someone who is at the right level. Pretty enough so the men notice us, as a group, but not so pretty, she�s the only one they�ll want.

It�s a really stupid hypothesis, but if I spin it the right way, I can say that it means that my own friends think that I�m around the same attractiveness level as them. Considering how incredibly hot they are, I have to take that as a compliment.

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