This time around, Iím going to try for one long positive story, rather than three short ones. I have not evolved to the point where I can recount one of my personal stories and feel good about it, yet. I used to be able to do that, but life had other ideas, and my positive-thoughts synapses are cold and dry.
So, Iím going to talk about Adamís (what I consider to be positive) past.
I was just reading LAís entry, and when I got to the part about her sonís romantic disappointment, I chuckled. Adam asked me what I was chuckling about, so I told him, reading aloud the part about the friend (also named Adam) who absconded with the girl.
Adam, while dancing around the living room with a string (he was playing with the cats, heís not a wacko), said, ďWell, thatís a good lesson. One rule of pursuing someone is that they have to want you to pursue them. If they want someone elseÖ wellÖĒ Then he shrugged.
I said, ďThatís the lesson?! I thought the lesson was that boys should avoid having friends named Adam because they will always steal the girl.Ē
He laughed sheepishly and said, ďWell, I know that G would say that.Ē (G not really being his name, but his name is too unique to put on the web.)
G is actually his very best friend. Theyíve been best friends since 6th grade. Even to the extent that they went to the same university together and roomed together for most of it. Heís currently off teaching English at a university in Kosovo. So, they skype regularly. G has been offering to pay for a flight for Adam to come visit him during spring break, but Adam has been hesitant to take advantage of such an expensive gift.
Anyway, about the girl stealing. Every story about every childhood pal from the start of high school through the end of college seems to include at section that lasts anywhere from 6 months to infinity, where the childhood pal stops speaking to Adam. If heís telling me about a certain friendship, or if I ask him about a particular period in his life, I might say, ďWhere was so-and-so during this time?Ē and heíll say, ďOh, he wasnít speaking to me thenÖ for a stupid reason. It doesnít matter.Ē
If I press the issue, it will inevitably come down to a girl.
Luckily, he never steals actual girlfriends. If a friend liked a girl, it seemed inevitable that his pursuit would reveal that the girl liked Adam better. If Adam tried to avoid the girl, out of respect for his friend, she would pursue harder (according to him).
With G, back in college, he pointed out a neighbor of theirs to Adam. At the time, G was shy and awkward around girls and asked Adam to go talk to her for him (I think we all know thatĎs a huge mistake, right there).
So, Adam caught up to her on the steps of the big, Victorian porch, of the converted house that she shared with a bunch of other college girls. He confessed Gís interest to her, and (if G had been paying any attention, at all) not surprisingly, she confessed that she was not interested in G, but she was interested in him.
And, so began the six month period where G would not speak to Adam, even though they shared a bedroom.
Perhaps this story wouldnít sound particularly positive to most, but itís positive to me.
Firstly, it makes me feel a certain kinship with Adam. Iíve also always been one of those people that inexplicably casts a spell over the opposite sex. Iíve heard more marriage proposals and confessions of undying love than any normal person should ever have.
While it can be a huge pain in butt, sometimes, I have to admit, out of all the problems Iíve had in my life, Iíve avoided a big one. Itís nice to have never really worried about being overlooked, or alone. Iíve never been in a situation, where I thought to myself, ďGee, I wish someone would just take me out,Ē and not had that option. The same with Adam. I think that has given us a unique perspective when it comes to love and relationships.
Secondly, you know that famous Rita Hayworth quote, ďThey go to bed with Gilda, they wake up with me.Ē Despite all the adoration Iíve gotten over the years, I still manage to have low self-esteem. I believe that most of it is illusion. I donít try to deceive people. I actually try very hard to be exactly who I am, from the beginning.
The unfortunate thing is that the hormonal surge of infatuation steals peopleís ability to think clearly. Itís all smoke and mirrors, really. Like most people, I have lots and lots of flaws. With previous relationships, I often felt like they believed that they had some kind of unique opportunity with me. Like, they had caged a unicorn, and despite not even really liking the unicorn, and finding itís upkeep way too much work, theyíd stick with it because when else are you going to trap a unicorn?
That was one of my big problems. Did a guy really like me, for me, or because he felt that he ought to like me. He should feel lucky to have a unicorn, even if sheís leaving puncture holes in all the walls, and crapping on the carpet, right?
With Adam, not so. He knows that he could have unicorns beating down his door, at any time. Heís free to see beyond all the other stuff and see me, for me. He really loves me for who I am, and not what I am.
Thatís why I like those stories. It reassures me. It reminds me. Oh yeah. Iím a unicorn who is living with another unicorn. If he says Iím beautiful, I donít have to worry about whether or not thatís the only reason heís here.
By the way, in case you were wondering, G has more than made up for his past romantic failure. I donít know what he looked like then, but now, heís movie-star handsome and charming as hell. Heís outgoing, confident, funny and sincere. Working internationally has done wonders for his bank account. Women pursue him like crazy, and he doesnít have to worry a bit about being that shy awkward guy who lost the girl to his best friend. Heís just not the settling-down type, right now.
Was that positive enough? I donít know. Iíll just say yes, so I donít have to keep writing, anymore.
|Saturday, Feb. 11, 2012 at 1:44 PM|