I need to break from the pattern today and just talk about my fear. I will still do the exercise, I�ve found it incredibly helpful, so far, but I�ve learned (once again) that there�s a lot more to emotional health than just thinking happy thoughts.

Yesterday, I didn�t mention is that we also stopped by a grocery store in Adam�s old neighborhood. It was one of those small, locally owned places that sells organic food and holistic remedies. Adam�s neighborhood is one of those kinds of neighborhoods. It�s belongs to hipsters and the alternative set. There�s a Reiki school and clinic across the street from his old apartment.

As we were walking out of the store, he stopped me, so we could check out the bulletin board. It is covered. Posters, cards and ads are stacked on top of one another with the paraphernalia of various energy healers. Like I said, this is where the alternative set lives. If you want to get something pierced, tattooed or holistically healed, that�s the place to go. However, it did scare me a little bit. Is the market already saturated?

So, this where the Think Positive exercise has helped, I think. It wasn�t so hard for me to come up with a positive spin on this, and I actually felt good about it.

There are a lot of healers out there. This means that it�s becoming more accepted. So, I don�t have to worry as much about being seen as a freak, and being disregarded.

If you look around, there�s hardly a market that isn�t saturated. It�s this country�s obsession with the evilness of idleness. Without a career, a person is a loser, a nobody. So, suited for it or not, we are forced pursue something. Be in a niche; preferably a niche that makes money.

There�s nothing particularly special about the niche I�m in now. There are plenty of data analysts around, or at least, people who claim to be analysts (the same for energy healers, I�m sure). I�ve learned something recently (and I probably should have learned this years ago). I am no different (technically speaking) from the next analyst, but I�m actually way more valuable than that person. I�m really good at what I do, and the people around me recognize that value.

I�ve seen lots and lots of evidence over the years proving this to me, but I never heeded it. This is partly because I don�t like what I do, and partly because I�ve been psychologically unable to see myself as a capable person.

The bulletin board full of energy healers doesn�t mean that I shouldn�t be an energy healer, it just means I have to a better energy healer than the rest of them. Does that scare me? Hell yes. Do I think I can achieve that? Hell yes.

Ok, there�s that part, and then there�s the financial part that needs to be addressed, while I become that magnificent healer that exists in my imagination. Adam directed the conversation into budgeting (my least favorite topic in the world), and we spent a lot of time on that. We went into detail about our expenses and the money we could potentially try to get; loans, etc.

This scares me a lot. No matter how hard I try, I can�t find any other financial option.

I didn�t do too badly, loan wise, the first time around. I didn�t take out a ton of money and the majority of it is paid off. If it had ever occurred to me that I might need more loan money, I�d have probably paid it off faster.

The first time around, I honestly didn�t know what I wanted to do with my life. How could I? I was 18 years old. Most 18 year olds can�t be trusted with the most basic decisions, let alone make life-long career choices.

I understand that, in the past, with the shorter life spans, we needed to get started ASAP with a job and family because there wasn�t a lot of time. Now, people live longer, and rather than saying, �Hey, this means you get to take more time to enjoy life and figure out your direction,� we say, �Hey, let�s raise the retirement age.�

Anyway, when I went into this field, many moons ago, I knew that it was acting as a placeholder. I needed to do something until I figured out my true path. I didn�t think it would take me freakin� 15 years to find my true path, but that�s the nature of karma.

When I think about it, it really is the short-term money stuff that�s stressing me out. I am getting over the idea that taking out a loan is the worst situation imaginable, but I also know that banks don�t hand out loans like candy, anymore.

Ok, so on with the exercise:

Number 1
I started reading a book last night and I�m enjoying it. It�s a fluffy book with no literary value, at all, but I�m enjoying it. For the past few weeks, I�ve had readers block. I know, that sounds impossible, but it is, it is. I haven�t heeded a traffic sign in weeks (just kidding).

Number 2
Even though I haven�t been able to snowboard, I�m really enjoying this non-winter, winter. I know that it means that global warming has kicked into high gear, and we will all die by the end of this year, but hey, that means all my above mentioned problems will be solved! Yay!

Number 3
I think I figured out that the thing that�s causing my excessive lip dryness isn�t winter. It may just be that I�m allergic to the red wine vinegar in our cupboard. With all the mystery that shrouds food processing, I�ve learned that I can spontaneously be allergic to anything. One brand that may use some different chemical or a different way of processing that causes me to have a reaction. Yesterday morning, it was more severe than usual, and I remembered that I had gone a little crazy with the red wine vinegar the night before. It was severe enough that it was starting to look like hives, so I took some Claritin, and within 30 minutes, it was gone.

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