Number 1
I woke up feeling good with no explanation. I spent a significant portion of my morning commute smiling like an idiot. I�m sure the other commuters thought I�d finally lost it. They probably kept their eyes on me, ready to duck below their dashboards if I pulled out a shotgun (anyone who deals with a regular rush hour commute totally understands this).

Number 2
Friend A, who is a totally dating disaster, just broke up with a girl he�d been seeing for about two and a half weeks. As usual, he was way overly emotionally invested, smothered the hell out of her, and scared her off. This morning, he was heart-broken and devastated. This afternoon, he said to me, �You know, I met a professional matchmaker at a party a few weeks back. She told me that she had a perfect match in mind, for me.�

I don�t normally feel like I�m in a position to judge other people�s decisions. Sometimes, though, someone will tell me about a decision that not only sounds like a terrible decision, but I�ll get an inkling of the outcome that is so clear it that feels like borderline clairvoyance. When that happens, I get too invested in trying to change the outcome. I�ve since realized that a person�s karma is way stronger than any advice I can give. It�s akin to me trying to move the position of the ocean with a bucket and a can-do attitude.

This time, I merely warned him of the potential empty sales promise, wished him luck, and sent him on his way. I think I may be growing.

Similarly, if I�m ever in a position where I feel like I can help someone, I don�t merely want to help. It�s much worse. I�ll feel a compulsion to help. It�s a special kind of OCD; Helper�s Disease. Fortunately for the rest of the world, I�m usually too wacked out with my own problems to offer anything useful, and I�m aware of this.

With me feeling all smiley this morning, I was all over my friend�s broken heart. I�m like a funeral director for dead hopes and dreams. While he spilled his guts, I silently planned out a nurturing friend-supportive weekend.

I couldn�t pass it by Adam because he gave me explicit instructions to leave him alone until 5PM, the time that he intends to submit a paper. So, I waited, and then found out that a matchmaker beat me to it.

It�ll take some doing before I can sit back and be content with letting other people take care of themselves, but I think I�ll get there.

Number 3
It�s Friday, and I don�t have to spend the weekend nurturing anybody but myself. Adam bought me a vegan brownie, yesterday. It has fluffy mint frosting and chocolate chips on top.

Number 4
The past two nights I�ve slept well. I�ve still been tired the next day (including today), but that�s a sign that my body is actually decompressing and allowing me to relax. I�m usually feeling to spazzy to be tired, even when it�s clear that I�m not getting enough rest.

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Friday, Feb. 24, 2012 at 4:05 PM