Number 1
I woke up feeling good with no explanation. I spent a significant portion of my morning commute smiling like an idiot. Iím sure the other commuters thought Iíd finally lost it. They probably kept their eyes on me, ready to duck below their dashboards if I pulled out a shotgun (anyone who deals with a regular rush hour commute totally understands this).

Number 2
Friend A, who is a totally dating disaster, just broke up with a girl heíd been seeing for about two and a half weeks. As usual, he was way overly emotionally invested, smothered the hell out of her, and scared her off. This morning, he was heart-broken and devastated. This afternoon, he said to me, ďYou know, I met a professional matchmaker at a party a few weeks back. She told me that she had a perfect match in mind, for me.Ē

I donít normally feel like Iím in a position to judge other peopleís decisions. Sometimes, though, someone will tell me about a decision that not only sounds like a terrible decision, but Iíll get an inkling of the outcome that is so clear it that feels like borderline clairvoyance. When that happens, I get too invested in trying to change the outcome. Iíve since realized that a personís karma is way stronger than any advice I can give. Itís akin to me trying to move the position of the ocean with a bucket and a can-do attitude.

This time, I merely warned him of the potential empty sales promise, wished him luck, and sent him on his way. I think I may be growing.

Similarly, if Iím ever in a position where I feel like I can help someone, I donít merely want to help. Itís much worse. Iíll feel a compulsion to help. Itís a special kind of OCD; Helperís Disease. Fortunately for the rest of the world, Iím usually too wacked out with my own problems to offer anything useful, and Iím aware of this.

With me feeling all smiley this morning, I was all over my friendís broken heart. Iím like a funeral director for dead hopes and dreams. While he spilled his guts, I silently planned out a nurturing friend-supportive weekend.

I couldnít pass it by Adam because he gave me explicit instructions to leave him alone until 5PM, the time that he intends to submit a paper. So, I waited, and then found out that a matchmaker beat me to it.

Itíll take some doing before I can sit back and be content with letting other people take care of themselves, but I think Iíll get there.

Number 3
Itís Friday, and I donít have to spend the weekend nurturing anybody but myself. Adam bought me a vegan brownie, yesterday. It has fluffy mint frosting and chocolate chips on top.

Number 4
The past two nights Iíve slept well. Iíve still been tired the next day (including today), but thatís a sign that my body is actually decompressing and allowing me to relax. Iím usually feeling to spazzy to be tired, even when itís clear that Iím not getting enough rest.

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Friday, Feb. 24, 2012 at 4:05 PM