Iím trying to make another appointment with the chiropractor. My neck and upper back is acting up, again. Itís been so painful the past few days that Iíve barely been able to think straight. Itís also been causing migraines.

Iím sure itís the stress thatís causing it. Iím really just suffering a backlash from taking off too long from my intensive healing practices. Changing careers is just a bumpy road.

The other day, I suddenly had the desire to watch the Ted Talk that Elizabeth Gilbert gave on creativity. Near the beginning, she was talking about how, when people go into creative careers, others will react by asking, and Iím paraphrasing here, ďArenít you afraid of failure?Ē This caused her to wonder whether or not it was rational to be afraid of doing the thing that you feel that you were put on this Earth to do.

I have to say, thinking of it that way does sort of remove a lot of the anxiety, for me, but of course, I also know that doesnít mean itíll always be easy.

Iíve always been someone who has been torn, in some ways.

Iím risk adverse. Iím always the first to put on a helmet and a seatbelt. I carry Benadryl, alcohol wipes, bandages, and waterproof matches on every hike. I shriek bloody murder if Iím in a car and the driver even suggests that they send a text while theyíre driving.

Iím also adverse to not being true to myself. There are things that I seem unable to live without. Iíll go climbing, Iíll take trapeze lessons, Iíll snowboard, but Iíll triple check all my gear, and you better believe Iím careful.

Then there are other things, which are risky, by nature, and thereís really no such thing as safety gear. Thereís no helmet that you can wear to protect against a bad economy, or a down housing market.

I am not one of those people who can throw caution to the wind and just jump into things. Thatís why I chose such a safe career in the first place.

But, Iím also not one of those people who can suffer in silence.

Trust me, and if you donít believe me, you can ask Adam. I am incapable of being ďokĒ with the wrong thing. I can deal if things arenít absolutely perfect. Iím not competitive. I donít care about being the best. I donít worry so much about small discomforts.

Itís just different when something moves from merely uncomfortable to wrong and itís a grey area.

Sometimes those things conflict with each other. Moving away from ďwrongĒ sometimes means taking some big risks.

Ok, I think Iíve beaten that topic to death enough. Iím just explaining why my upper back and neck is in knots. Itís stress, thatís all.

AnywayÖ

A couple of weeks ago, I tried baking soda as a skin cleanser. The immediate results were ok. The jury is still out on the long-term effects. Iím not using it daily, more like, once or twice a week. I think more than that would be too much, as it is pretty drying. Iím just waiting to see if it does anything over time.

The new thing that I want to try is grapeseed oil. There seems to be a lot of positive reviews for it online. People talk about using it as a cleanser and as a moisturizer. I canít imagine using an oil as a cleanser. Thatís pretty counterintuitive, for me. I can try it as a moisturizer, especially in some extra dry spots. There was even some talk about using it as a hot oil treatment for hair.

I gave up on hot oil treatments in the late Ď90s/early 00ís, but I guess itís worth a shot, grapeseed oil is fairly cheap, compared to most cosmetics. My grey hairs are wavier than my regular hair and they stick straight out from my head in crazy looking coils. So, I donít know. Maybe itíll soften them?

Oddly enough, Iím actually ok with the crazy grey hairs. My identity is changing and Iím becoming a new person. Perhaps, Iím even becoming a person that will be seen as a full-grown adult, and maybe even an experienced one. Iíll be someone who knows a thing or two, and my crazy grey coils will be proof of that.

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Tuesday, Mar. 13, 2012 at 3:18 PM