I�m trying to make another appointment with the chiropractor. My neck and upper back is acting up, again. It�s been so painful the past few days that I�ve barely been able to think straight. It�s also been causing migraines.

I�m sure it�s the stress that�s causing it. I�m really just suffering a backlash from taking off too long from my intensive healing practices. Changing careers is just a bumpy road.

The other day, I suddenly had the desire to watch the Ted Talk that Elizabeth Gilbert gave on creativity. Near the beginning, she was talking about how, when people go into creative careers, others will react by asking, and I�m paraphrasing here, �Aren�t you afraid of failure?� This caused her to wonder whether or not it was rational to be afraid of doing the thing that you feel that you were put on this Earth to do.

I have to say, thinking of it that way does sort of remove a lot of the anxiety, for me, but of course, I also know that doesn�t mean it�ll always be easy.

I�ve always been someone who has been torn, in some ways.

I�m risk adverse. I�m always the first to put on a helmet and a seatbelt. I carry Benadryl, alcohol wipes, bandages, and waterproof matches on every hike. I shriek bloody murder if I�m in a car and the driver even suggests that they send a text while they�re driving.

I�m also adverse to not being true to myself. There are things that I seem unable to live without. I�ll go climbing, I�ll take trapeze lessons, I�ll snowboard, but I�ll triple check all my gear, and you better believe I�m careful.

Then there are other things, which are risky, by nature, and there�s really no such thing as safety gear. There�s no helmet that you can wear to protect against a bad economy, or a down housing market.

I am not one of those people who can throw caution to the wind and just jump into things. That�s why I chose such a safe career in the first place.

But, I�m also not one of those people who can suffer in silence.

Trust me, and if you don�t believe me, you can ask Adam. I am incapable of being �ok� with the wrong thing. I can deal if things aren�t absolutely perfect. I�m not competitive. I don�t care about being the best. I don�t worry so much about small discomforts.

It�s just different when something moves from merely uncomfortable to wrong and it�s a grey area.

Sometimes those things conflict with each other. Moving away from �wrong� sometimes means taking some big risks.

Ok, I think I�ve beaten that topic to death enough. I�m just explaining why my upper back and neck is in knots. It�s stress, that�s all.

Anyway�

A couple of weeks ago, I tried baking soda as a skin cleanser. The immediate results were ok. The jury is still out on the long-term effects. I�m not using it daily, more like, once or twice a week. I think more than that would be too much, as it is pretty drying. I�m just waiting to see if it does anything over time.

The new thing that I want to try is grapeseed oil. There seems to be a lot of positive reviews for it online. People talk about using it as a cleanser and as a moisturizer. I can�t imagine using an oil as a cleanser. That�s pretty counterintuitive, for me. I can try it as a moisturizer, especially in some extra dry spots. There was even some talk about using it as a hot oil treatment for hair.

I gave up on hot oil treatments in the late �90s/early 00�s, but I guess it�s worth a shot, grapeseed oil is fairly cheap, compared to most cosmetics. My grey hairs are wavier than my regular hair and they stick straight out from my head in crazy looking coils. So, I don�t know. Maybe it�ll soften them?

Oddly enough, I�m actually ok with the crazy grey hairs. My identity is changing and I�m becoming a new person. Perhaps, I�m even becoming a person that will be seen as a full-grown adult, and maybe even an experienced one. I�ll be someone who knows a thing or two, and my crazy grey coils will be proof of that.

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