Yesterday, I listened to an amazing interview with Studs Terkel.

At one point Krista Tippet made a comment about how his book about death is really about life. He agreed and went on to talk about life and death.

In every day context, death seems so abstract. We experience people who are here, and then not here and we hear about people who are here, and then not here. But yet, it�s very rare that we�re realizing the reality of death.

It occurred to me how strange it is that as a species, humans are obsessed with death, but it�s so rare that we bring it to the forefront of our minds. Then I thought, �Of course, we don�t know what it is.�

As a rational being, I believe it�s insignificant. As a human, I believe it�s huge. Maybe it�s that weird self-contradiction that bothers people, and it�s easier to avoid it by calling it �morbid� and �depressing.

For some reason, thinking about death lifts my spirits. I don�t mean that in a dark way, like I�m suicidal and yay, I just can�t wait to get out of here, but maybe I am a weirdo, anyway.

Just like Studs Terkel, I believe that dealing with death is also dealing with life. Isn�t that why we meditate on our breath? Each one is a special gift.

So, yesterday, I realized that I accidentally sent an amazon order to my old office building. I called a friend of mine and asked her to pick it up for me. Last evening, I went by her house to pick it up and sit and chat for awhile.

I caught up on all the gossip from the office and then I asked about another friend of mine. This friend, I�ll call her S, for her sake, is someone that I have known since we were freshman in college. We worked together at the same company for awhile, until about a year ago, when I got a new job.

We haven�t been in touch lately (she hasn�t answered my last few emails), so naturally, I asked about her.

My friend told me that another friend of hers ran into her somewhere (I don�t remember the details) and asked S how the wedding plans are coming (she�s engaged, if you didn�t gather that from the fact that someone is asking about her wedding plans).

In response, S broke into tears. Of course, this is merely gossip, so I don�t know what actually transpired. It�s not even that strange, knowing her. She suffers from depression and has always suffered from depression and has always sought treatment for it.

It just seems like lately, she�s the least happy I�ve ever known her to be.

This isn�t to say that I�ve never suffered from depression, of course I have, but I�ve also been pretty good at wrangling myself in a healthy direction, even if I don�t want to go that way.

One of the biggest reasons I do wrangle myself in a healthy direction is because of my mortality. Mortality is a very emotionally charged concept to me. Even if there are other lives, there is only one this life. This motivates me. It motivates me a lot. Sometimes it motivates me to change my life, but most of the time, it just motivates me to enjoy what I�ve got. By the time I�m done, I end up feeling so blessed, I could drop dead right there, completely contented that I�ve had a good, fulfilling life.

Given that, I don�t just worry about the quality of my life, I worry about the quality of life for other people, too. As a result, I was really disturbed about this news about S.

What do I do? Do I do anything? Do I do nothing?

In all honesty, even though I�ve had the blues, lately, and the occasional temper tantrum, I have a pretty good life. That is the reason why I rarely communicate a dark mood. I know what it is; a dark mood. It�s nothing more significant than that. I�m not being oppressed, tortured, killed or deprived of anything. I�m cranky because I�m spoiled and I get a little miffed during times when every little thing isn�t going my way. It�s a luxury to be able to do that, and even when I�m being listless, I still recognize that it is a luxury.

I have a rich life. I obviously have a very rich life. I�m not a laugh a minute party girl, anyone who knows me will tell you that, but I make my life into something that I consider to be a rich place.

What does that have to do with her? Well, when you�re down, are you ever made happier by people who are up? Maybe you are. I don�t know. I tend to find up people annoying as hell, when I�m down.

I don�t want to be annoying as hell. I want to be helpful. I want to be enriching.

The other thing is, I have a lot of friends that I adore. Despite my mock jealousy of Nicole, I have nothing but the deepest admiration for her. I have very deep admiration for many of my friends.

This means that I don�t really need her in my life and knowing that I don�t need her in my life would make me insincere to try to give the impression that I do. I feel like that maybe she needs me.

If it were the other way around, I would feel no loss of pride to need someone who doesn�t need me, but I don�t know how many other people feel the same way.

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