Iíve been watching too much ANTM. By too much, I mean, Iíve watched two complete cycles during this week alone.

Being a fan of aesthetics is one thing, but Iím practically giving myself an anxiety attack. I knew I was in trouble when I started thinking things like, ďI bet Iíd do really well if Tyra ever decided to do an Americaís Top Short, Fat, Old Girl.Ē

Thatís the problem with being accustomed to thinking of oneself as beautiful. It makes it really, really easy to have a crisis.

Itís easy to start placing too much value on it, and then when you start getting up in years and youíre not quite as lean as you once were, it becomes the end of the world.

Why is it such a big deal?

Itís possible that over the years, Iíve started to regard it as a job; as if itís part of my responsibility to the world to decorate it. The problem is that itís so easy to lose it and when you do lose it, itís so visible.

If itís such a big loss to me, it really makes me wonder where my priorities are.

I have to admit, I find complete lack of regard for ones own appearance to be offensive. For most people, if they at least try theyíre going to look somewhat decent. The effort can be seen and appreciated.

I donít mean a person ought to get plastic surgery and dress in haute couture, but just keep in mind that even though you donít look at yourself all day, other people have to.

I donít want to be offended by it, but to me, it shows disrespect to anyone who has eyes. The projected message is something like, ďThe world is so mine I can treat every location as if it were my bedroom.Ē

Thereís so much beauty to be found in people. I donít mean theyíre nice, although, they are, but now Iím talking about aesthetics.

Itís easy to get the aesthetics of people mixed up with ego and other value judgments, but doesnít mean it should be ignored.

Thereís much to be gained by appreciating the human form, but hereís only so much a person can do. I donít know why I have to turn this into an anxious big deal.

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Friday, Aug. 24, 2007 at 1:49 PM