I�ve been watching too much ANTM. By too much, I mean, I�ve watched two complete cycles during this week alone.

Being a fan of aesthetics is one thing, but I�m practically giving myself an anxiety attack. I knew I was in trouble when I started thinking things like, �I bet I�d do really well if Tyra ever decided to do an America�s Top Short, Fat, Old Girl.�

That�s the problem with being accustomed to thinking of oneself as beautiful. It makes it really, really easy to have a crisis.

It�s easy to start placing too much value on it, and then when you start getting up in years and you�re not quite as lean as you once were, it becomes the end of the world.

Why is it such a big deal?

It�s possible that over the years, I�ve started to regard it as a job; as if it�s part of my responsibility to the world to decorate it. The problem is that it�s so easy to lose it and when you do lose it, it�s so visible.

If it�s such a big loss to me, it really makes me wonder where my priorities are.

I have to admit, I find complete lack of regard for ones own appearance to be offensive. For most people, if they at least try they�re going to look somewhat decent. The effort can be seen and appreciated.

I don�t mean a person ought to get plastic surgery and dress in haute couture, but just keep in mind that even though you don�t look at yourself all day, other people have to.

I don�t want to be offended by it, but to me, it shows disrespect to anyone who has eyes. The projected message is something like, �The world is so mine I can treat every location as if it were my bedroom.�

There�s so much beauty to be found in people. I don�t mean they�re nice, although, they are, but now I�m talking about aesthetics.

It�s easy to get the aesthetics of people mixed up with ego and other value judgments, but doesn�t mean it should be ignored.

There�s much to be gained by appreciating the human form, but here�s only so much a person can do. I don�t know why I have to turn this into an anxious big deal.

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