I donít know how it happened, but I have become evil.

Not the ďIím in too much pain to help myselfĒ evil or the ďIím just too clueless to know betterĒ evil. Nope. Evil evil.

Last week, one of my coworkers got really bitchy. Actually, sheís been bitchy awhile, but Iíve been ignoring it. At first, I was pretty compassionate about it, but after awhile, I got tired of trying to smooth over hurt feelings every 15 minutes because sheís so damn insecure, I just gave up. She got to be more persistent, so I started sending her away with her tail between her legs.

I have the tendency to mirror peopleís behavior towards me. The people who are good and kind to me think Iím the sweetest thing on Earth. The not so nice peopleÖ

I have to admit, if five six years in karate has taught me anything, itís that backing down in a fight doesnít encourage your opponent stop beating you, it just gives them the opportunity to kick you when youíre down. This most likely doesnít translate well to every situation, but when I witnessed my own behavior, I realized that this is how Iíve been trained.

Her petty little swings and jabs were merely minor annoyances to me, and just in an effort to get rid of her, Iíd go for the jugular (end the dispute), and get on with my work.

It must be noted here that despite the fact that while fighting in karate, Iíve often been warned for excessive contact, Iíve never been disqualified for hitting below the belt. This actually mirrors my social interaction, as well.

Anyway, thatís not the evil part.

Last week, when the bitchiness reached a new level, I actually bothered to start to wonder what was causing this. I realize that in most cases, people donít decide, ďIím going to be bitchy todayĒ itís a reaction to something else, some other pain or insecurity. It didnít take me long to figure it out; this woman in terrified of me.

I started a mini-experiment and gauged reactions to test my theory and confirmed it. Itís pretty laughable, but it seems to be true.

I giggled about it and then felt sorry for her. I mean, to be scared of me, youíve got to be pretty bad off (or in desperate need of enemies? I donít know).

Ok, on to the evil part.

Earlier this afternoon, I ran into this same woman in the hallway.

I smiled at her in a way that I knew would strike terror in her heart, and she said nervously, "Whatís that smile about?" and I said, in the sweetest, most I-know something-you-don't tone (obviously, I really know nothing), "Nothing."

And as I walked by, she said to me, "So much for keeping your hair straight, eh?"

This was in reference to the few weeks ago, when I came back to the office after my haircut and Joey had blown my hair straight. I had gotten so much attention that day, you'd have thought I had become a celebrity in that one hour. I wasn't getting attention because I looked that much better, it was more that I just looked that different.

I laughed so hard, inwardly. You'd have be almost wetting your pants in fear to stoop to something that ridiculously low.

Thatís the kind of weak, illegal jab that, in karate would delight me because it gives me an excuse to give someone a good legal pounding.

Of course, itís not necessarily fair, but itís not necessarily fair that Iím faster, stronger, and more flexible than some people, either.

And, donít forget, in real life, you donít go around giving people poundings, regardless of how legal it would be in the ring. But regardless of that, and regardless of the fact that I donít really think itís worth the extra energy, and of course, anything worse than an few evil smiles would just be plain wrong, I still got that delighted ďnow Iíve got you right where I want youĒ feeling.

Anyone who has seen karate kid knows that having power does not give you a license to go around beating up the weaker folks.

Being evil is just far too much fun.

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Monday, May. 21, 2007 at 6:59 PM