I decided to stay home from work today. I'm not that ill, but I could use the day off. My boss asked me if I thought it was the flu. Subtext: Are you feeling the least bit swiney?

I'm not feeling swiney. I don't want to be sick with the flu, but I wouldn't mind being quarantined.

I'm a little less angry today, which is good. I'm too sick to exercise, though, which is bad.

I think it's pretty obvious that I need some kind of lifestyle change but I can't figure out how it can be done. I mean, other than waiting until Adam finishes his phd and then finally quitting my job. Seeing that I'm about two more bad days from going totally postal, I don't think I can wait that long.

Wow, isn't it weird how so long after the post-office incidents that "going postal" is now a verb that's used in regular conversation? People don't even think of the gravity of that situation when saying it, anymore.

Ok, I'm not really going to go postal. For one thing, I know when to take a day off.

I'm on my third day of headache. I'm beginning to feel real sympathy for those people who suffer from chronic pain for years.

Why do we make life so hard for ourselves, anyway?

Is that the human way? We're the offspring of the people who fought and clawed their way through history. The result of thousands of years of competing for survival. Now that it's over, we can't stop fighting. We can't stop hoarding stuff.

Well, I can stop fighting. That's why I hike and take karate, so I can let out my aggression in a more century-appropriate way.

At least I hope so, anyway.

I can't really say why I'm falling apart, lately. Part of it may just be laziness. I need to be more diligent about really taking care of myself.

Also, the amount of stuff that modern society heaps upon us is totally insane and unmanageable. Any normal person would feel stressed out when having to put up with such a ridiculous amount of crap.

That's why I have to be more diligent about keeping myself calm. I don't necessarily believe that it is a good and healthy way to live. It makes more sense to just stop living such a stressful life. I don't really want to get rid of the things that are stressing me out, though. Well, in some cases, I do, but I don't think that's the best thing to do, right now. Until then, I must be more diligent in learning calmness.

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Wednesday, May. 06, 2009 at 8:58 AM