Theres nothing momentous going on. I dont have any special insights about the passing of the year. Frankly, I feel like Id finally grown accustomed to saying 2010, and now its going to change, again, already.

They say that this is what happens when a person ages. Maybe I should start sending reiki to my perception of time.

I havent been writing much because I havent felt like writing much. Earlier in the month, I worked and stressed about work because I wanted to have less to worry about during the week between Christmas and January 1. The office is closed. That doesnt mean that Im off the hook, work wise, but it does mean that things are much more relaxed. I wanted to be caught up enough that I wouldnt hear much from clients, and that is how it worked out.

Last week, I only worked two days. I took three days off because thats how much time Id left for myself for the end of the year. A couple of months ago, I transferred all my vacation time to next year, and gave myself three days for the remainder of this year, for emergencies. You never know what might happen, you know.

Anyway, nothing happened, so I took the last three days of the year that I would be expected to work.

Adam and I went to the Poconos for snowboarding. It was a four day trip with three days of snowboarding and one day of rest factored in. Our room had a Jacuzzi and a fireplace and the hotel had an indoor pool.

Ive never really spent any time just hanging out in a hotel before. That day felt a bit strange, but it was Christmas Day and the mountain was only open for four hours. Thats hardly worth the cost of a lift ticket.

We both were beaten up from the previous two days of snowboarding, on our rest day. The Jacuzzi, pool, movies and Indian food were much needed therapy after bouncing down the ice covered slope a few too many times. I was really starting to think that I might be getting too old for snowboarding.

Part of the instep of my right foot is still numb, due to God knows what. That injury happened after the first day.

Sunday was supposed to be our third day of snowboarding, but we decided to save our third day-pass for another day, and beat the impending snowstorm home.

The prediction was that the mountain would get about three inches of snow (maybe, at some point) and Philadelphia would get dumped on. Im not going to risk the drive home for the possibility of three inches of fresh snow on the mountain. Ill save my lift ticket for when the weather prediction is the other way around. Also, despite actually wanting to snowboard that day, I was getting a little nudge from the universe that said we would be better off cutting our losses and going home early.

I didnt have to convince Adam, it was his idea that we leave early, and he was not so keen on snowboarding on Sunday. He had taken enough falls to want a good long rest before snowboarding again.

That was last weekend. As soon as Monday rolled around, I was coming down with a cold. That stuck with me all week. Im still not totally better, but the plan is that were going to a New Years Eve party tonight.

During this week, I mostly stayed in and took care of some housework, but not as much as I wanted to finish. Wednesday, I had a private dance lesson. My teacher happened to be teaching a dance class immediately following our lesson, and asked if Id stay and take the class. I wasnt feeling too terrible, so I did. I talked to him a little bit about the things I want to learn, going forward. We outlined something similar to a plan. He doesnt want me to push it too much, though. He thinks I learned a lot in a very short amount of time, and that I should really let the knowledge settle. And, I guess if learning what takes most people a year to a year and a half to learn, in three months, is fast, then, maybe hes right. I keep forgetting that Ive only been doing this a short amount of time.

Anyway, Adam and I also had a couples therapy appointment this week. The appointments are getting further and further apart. In this past year, our relationship has gone from doomed to what weve agreed is usually in the A- or B+ range (Hes a teacher, that is the kind of language he uses). However, neither of us really feels its time to quit therapy, yet, as we still see room for improvement.

That wasnt any big deal, except the following day, we ran into our doctor outside of his office. After Adam completed an unusual amount of housework and chores, I told him that Id take him to his favorite restaurant, as a reward. Its a gourmet vegan place in a trendy-ish area. Afterwards, I wanted to take a walk around the city and I knew wed be passing a bookstore ahead, and I asked if he wanted to go in. He did, so we went in and browsed around. I wanted to look for yoga and reiki magazines, and I did just that. As I was browsing through the racks, he started telling me that he can get any book for free from the publisher.

I was looking at the magazines and saying incredulously, Any book?! Are you sure? Etc.

Then I turned the corner and I saw our doctor there, and he said, I thought I recognized that voice. We said our greetings and then he high-tailed it out of there, like we were leper zombies carrying the plague.

Adam and I exchanged glances that clearly said, We will discuss this later, in private.

And, we did. Adam gave one of his, Wouldnt it be funny if scenarios, which I dont remember, because I came back with, I think it would have been much funnier if we ran into Dr. [name omitted] and he was in the middle of a fight with his wife. We laughed hysterically over the idea, and when we quieted down, Adam said, That would be funny, but I dont think he has a wife. Im pretty sure hes gay. It seems like he has a long-term partner though, so he could have been fighting with him.

It was as if lightening hit me. Of course! Everything suddenly made so much more sense to me, and I said so. Adam asked me what I meant, and I said, Well, that explains why he likes you so much better than he likes me. Shocked, he said, No, he doesnt! He treats us the same! Hes never shown any favoritism!

I said, I agree. There is no favoritism and he gives us good therapy, but he does like you better. Adam scoffed at me again, and asked me how I knew. I said, Dont you notice how he smiles and swoons whenever you talk? Hes interested in your graduate work, your classes, and he always lets us stay past the end of our session.

Adam scoffed again, That just means hes a nice guy and were always his last appointment. I take it back. I dont think hes gay, anymore.

I said, Its too late. You said it, and it makes perfect sense. From the very beginning, Ive always thought he had a man-crush on you. Now it makes sense.

So, we went back and forth about this for awhile. Then, I eventually started asking why it mattered to him one way or another. He told me that he didnt want to have to think about anything other than our relationship in therapy, and asked me not to put those things in his head, anymore.

It never occurred to me before now, but I think I understand it. Over the course of my lifetime, it hasnt been uncommon for me to be stuck in a business relationship with someone who is attracted to me. It is uncomfortable, but Ive learned to just accept it and live with it as a part of life.

In the end, this is just another example of how things can be laid out in front of me, obvious and plain, but I still dont see it, until its pointed out to me. It could be because Adam is a J (judger) and I an a P (perceiver).

Since I am usually the one stuck in a business relationship with someone who is attracted to me, it was a relief to me initially, when it seemed obvious that the doctor had an attraction to Adam and not me (although, that somehow didnt lead me to the conclusion that he might be gay), and even more of a relief to me after Adam told me his observation (although, it did not occur to him that the doctor might be attracted to him). Quite a funny pair we are.

Well, the NYE party starts in an hour, so I guess I should start getting dressed. Happy New Year!!

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Friday, Dec. 31, 2010 at 5:59 PM