Tonight, I�m teaching another yoga class. I�m looking forward to it.

I�ve been meditating fairly consistently for the past couple of weeks, mostly very short sessions (15-20 minutes).

Lately, I�ve been finding that I get angry quickly, and I can�t suppress it, at all. I haven�t gotten angry very often, but when I have, it�s been uncontrollable. I think the meditation has something to do with it. Things are coming out. Again.

I don�t know what I�m angry about. Obviously, I�m not really angry about the things that trigger my temper, but I don�t know what I�m really angry about.

In the past, when bad things have happened to me, I�d get sad, upset, depressed, even frustrated, but rarely angry. I�m tempted to believe that before, I couldn�t get in touch with my anger, or if I did, I was afraid of it, so I�d repress it.

If I�m ever going to feel free and content, it has to come out, right? But, how much is in there?

I find it rather disturbing. Feeling disturbed by own behavior leads to shame and self-hatred, which is another one of those things that can lurk in the subconscious and come out in undesirable ways.

All I really wanted was to be more relaxed. My anxiety level has been killing me over the past couple of years, and this time around, when I went to renew my meditation practice, I wasn�t looking to do anything, but be calmer.

So, I hope that over time, that will happen, too. I am feeling calmer, in some ways, but I still haven�t gotten where I want to be.

In two and a half weeks, I�ll have my vacation, when my brother comes.

All of our plans are still up in the air. He�s been indecisive about things, and I�ve been laying out the facts as honestly as I can, but not putting any pressure on him to make any decisions. There are a lot of unforeseen complications regarding his time here, such as, he�s leaving for Wisconsin sooner than I expected. He�ll be here over 4th of July weekend, Adam�s parents will be in NYC, visiting friends and family, the same week, and if we want to see them, we have to plan around their schedule, too.

I�m still looking forward to the vacation. Either way, I won�t be working, so I�m satisfied.

My dance and exercise routines have been good, lately. My dance studio, where I take zumba has added a bunch more zumba classes, because it�s so popular. This helps me a lot, because now, nearly every day, there is a class I can take. It�s a lot easier to fit it into my schedule.

I�ve been taking a ladies styling class on Sunday�s. Styling refers to the fancy footwork and hand gestures that are done without the aid of a partner. In salsa, they�re thrown in here or there, to spice up the dance.

I didn�t think I�d like the woman who teaches styling. I�d seen her perform a few times, and while technically correct, I find that she lacks that certain something that makes someone a great dancer. Somehow, that translated into me thinking that I wouldn�t like her as a dance instructor.

In class, I do like her a lot, though. She�s decent at explaining things, not fantastic, but it�s rare to find an artist who is fantastic at explaining their art, especially when it�s something as visual as dance. I don�t fault her for that, and besides, she�s sweet and encouraging, which is just as important, if not more so.

I�ve been going for about a month, but I don�t know how consistent I�ll be, since the class is on a Sunday morning, and that�s an iffy time, for me.

Since the new zumba classes have been added, they also added some new instructors. I tried one out, and I thought she was only so-so. I went back, yesterday, thinking that I would try a different new instructor, but it turned out that the first one was teaching, again. The second time around, I liked her a lot better. The routine wasn�t any different, but she was much higher energy.

I asked her about her first full week of teaching zumba, and she explained to me that the nights where she�s had to teach two classes in a row have been tough, possibly as a way to offer an explanation to me about the first class I attended, where I wasn�t incredibly impressed.

The owner of the dance studio is in training to teach zumba, too. I think I�ve taken a salsa class or two from her before, a long time ago. As long as I�ve been a regular at the dance studio, she has been pregnant or tending to a newborn, so she wasn�t teaching classes. Previously a professional dancer, she�s made a vow to get her old body back. I�ve seen her old body on posters, and having that body in the first place is not a privilege most people get.

She was also in zumba, yesterday, co-teaching. It was the first time I really interacted with her. It�s kind of nice to know a little bit about the person who is getting my money every month.

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