Yesterday I woke up feeling like I�d aged 50 years over night. My back was achy to the point where it hurt to breathe. The pain radiated out my front and up my spine to my head. I felt groggy and dizzy. I have no idea where it came from.

In the morning, Adam handed me some Tylenol, which took care of most of the headache. He, very generously, gave me a solid hour of reiki, maybe more. I really wasn�t keeping track of time, but it made me feel much better. Towards the end of the evening, the pain started coming back and he asked me if I�d taken any Advil.

Advil, the best friend of any aging pseudo-athlete, and it never even occurred to me to take it. In my hazy, groggy pain, I simply forgot such an option existed.

Next thing I knew, two Advil and a cup of water were in my hands. I downed them, and within 20 minutes, I was feeling better.

This morning, I�m feeling semi-normal. The back pain is totally gone, but I�m exhausted. I kept jolting out of sleep last night, woken up by an intense feeling of dread.

I don�t know if I mentioned it before, but about a year ago, I signed Adam up for the first reiki training with my teacher. He took the training willingly, but with certain things, especially when it comes to self-care, he needs a lot of encouragement. While reiki is used to heal others, the healer�s first priority is to heal his/herself. Because I�m such a mess, I�m almost never in good enough shape to offer healing to anyone else, and I wanted him to have the option of healing himself, too.

He�s not a natural healer, but then again, neither am I, but experience and practice counts for a lot, which is true for a lot of things.

I think he is a natural nurturer, though, to the extent that he has a strong desire to be nurturing, even if there are many times when he has no clue what a person needs. Yesterday showed that he has come a long way. Early in our relationship, my state would have only resulted in him pacing around and asking me what I need, which would just make me nervous. I don�t think clearly when I�m feeling bad, and even less clearly when someone is making me nervous, on top of it, so it was very unlikely that I�d come up with a coherent answer.

I spent most of yesterday reading a new novel called Russian Winter about a Bolshoi ballerina. Saturday night, we happened to watch Mao�s Last Dancer, which is about a Chinese male ballet dancer. It was a total coincidence. I liked the movie (and it was based on a book), so I added it to my �to-read� list.

I�m enjoying the book, so far, even if the writing is a little bit tedious sometimes. I try not to be too judgmental about that, though.

That had become an issue with me and art, years ago, when I was in school. I had become overly attuned to judgment, and I lost my ability to appreciate art. I think that happens to many people who study something they love. They know it too well, and it becomes like a romantic relationship after the infatuation has worn off. Those quirks that were so adorable in the beginning have turned into something that inspires one to want to smash the other�s head in.

I think we�ve all experienced that on some level. So, later in life, when we�re older and wiser, we can adjust ourselves accordingly. So, being overly familiar with something grows into a deeper appreciation for it, rather than stabbing eye pain.

I have since turned things around art-wise. I went from having specific tastes, to having even more specific tastes, to becoming so specific, that nearly nothing was included, to hating everything. It took me a few years, but I got over that, now my tastes are even wider than they were before I studied art. I�ve learned an appreciation for nearly everything. It all fits into a giant mosaic, it fills a purpose.

I had to get over it, really, because whenever I visited an art museum, it was like seeing an ex-lover that I never got over. I simultaneously experienced annoyance, anger, longing, affection and heartbreak. I didn�t want to have that kind of relationship with something that has a house in every major city in the world.

Anyway, I�m not planning on doing that psychological battle when it comes to the written word. It�s my intention to widen my horizons without becoming so judgmental that I can�t appreciate something for what it is.

Oops, and I just realized that I have to go teach a yoga class now.

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