I’m excited to have the evening to myself tonight. I feel like it’s much needed down time.
Adam is going out to a party tonight. I don’t think I’ll ever get over feeling grateful that we’re both comfortable with the other having a social life outside of the relationship.
I know I’m not the only person that; firstly, needs to have friends outside of my romantic relationship, and secondly, needs alone time. I have friends who feel the same way as me, but their spouses cling to them like suckling children.
I know people who are incredibly uncomfortable with their spouses going out with friends. Even to the extent of demanding that the spouse text and/or call every 30 minutes. The word “abandonment” gets thrown around. So, having a once-a-month outing with friends is akin to driving someone to the middle-of-nowhere, chucking them out of the car and taking off? Ok, then!
Then, there are people with the opposite problem. The spouse won’t leave the house alone, ever, and has no friends outside of the relationship. The spouse won‘t even pop into a grocery store alone. It’s not the shopping that’s the problem, it’s having to go somewhere alone. To me, this would be akin to asking me to be a human vending machine; to store all the tools necessary to satisfy all of a person’s emotional needs, and to dispense them upon request. Anyone who can do that (and yes, I’ve seen it done) is a better person than I am.
I’m not trying to be judgmental, really. I just see how much misery it causes when both parties aren’t on the same page, in this way.
So, every time I benefit from this particular part of my relationship, I thank my lucky stars that we are on the same page. We’ve had plenty of issues to work through, and we’re still working through other issues. Personality-wise, we’re vastly different, but this is the one thing that has never been a problem between us.
I think that because we’ve always been so firmly on the same page with this, it is probably what has kept us together through the harder times.
I’m not saying that we’ve ever been just on the verge of splitting up and one of blurted, “But… neither of us complains when the other one goes out with friends!” Causing us to tearfully collapse into each other’s arms exclaiming that we’re soul mates. That’s not it.
What I mean is that having friendships outside of our relationship tempers both of us. It offers perspective. Something that might seem huge inside the backdrop of a relationship suddenly doesn’t seem so big when we’re exposed to the rest of the world. When we’re out there amongst acquaintances, close-friends, semi-close friends and strangers, it’s a reminder. It reminds us that there’s a place where we have our language, culture and traditions, and those things were created to suit the tastes of just two people.
That little intimate relationship world is a wonderful thing, but it can also cause people to get locked into specific patterns of interaction. Just talking to someone from outside of the relationship can help a person get out of a negative pattern, when there is one.
I suppose I shouldn’t assume that all romantic relationships have negative patterns. I just know that mine is vulnerable to a few, and I know that visiting perspectives and interactions on the outside can be incredibly helpful.
Anyway, onto the next topic…
Earlier today, read a short memoir called, Bearded Lady. In this, the author talks about her struggle against body hair.
Now, before I start talking about this topic, I’ll admit, I consider this to be a luxury topic, like politics. I figure, if you have time to sit around worrying about politics and/or your body hair, then overall, your life is probably pretty good.
However, I’m glad she’s being so open with the topic. She mentions a couple of times that because women are trained to remove body hair and not talk about it, that no one has any idea how much hair anyone else has. This leads us to all think we’re especially hairy.
For me, its definitely true that I have no idea how much body hair the average woman has. Although, for whatever reason, I feel like I have a medium amount. I don’t need to Nair my whole body (I don‘t think, unless there‘s something that people aren‘t telling me), but if I allowed my underarms and legs have free hair growing reign, it would be noticeable.
Of course, my mom had none. She needed to follow in her regular pattern of physical flawlessness and beauty, while at the same time being so crazy that any man would prefer to date a literal sasquatch.
I have this other bizarre trait, which I inherited from my dad. Like my dad, I have the dark, auburney, chestnutty, multicolored hair on my head. Also, like my dad, all the other hair on my body is some variety of blond or strawberry blond. The only exception being my eyebrows, thank god. I would look seriously weird with blond eyebrows.
This is true to such an extent that more than one boyfriend has expressed surprise and made the immediate assumption that I dye my hair, without even asking first. There must be a man-handbook out there that says, “multi-colored hair = dye.” Where they think I would get dye the color of my hair, I have no idea.
I have to admit, when I was younger, I did worry about my body hair (yes, it came above politics in the hierarchy). Nowadays, though, I pretty much let it go. If I’m going to shave, I only worry about what people will see. Does that make me gross and unfeminine? I am a bit embarrassed to admit that.
I also find it a little strange that I spend less time taming my body hair while living with my boyfriend than I did when I was single, when I was the only one seeing it.
I guess it helps to have a man around, especially when that man has a chest reminiscent of Magnum P.I., and is proud of it.
Edited to add: I forgot to note that because I have oily skin, I don't know if the grapeseed oil would work for everyone. It might leave a dry person wanting more. When I applied it to my lips, I felt like I needed to add lip balm over the top.
Time-wise, it's great. It's runny and spreadable, and with the cooking type spout, a person could potentially moisturized in under a minute.
|Friday, Mar. 16, 2012 at 7:50 PM|