Since Iím going to be a student, and all, I actually went and installed MS Office on my personal PC (yes, I know thatís redundant, but itís a necessary redundancy!). This feels insanely luxurious.

Yesterday, I went hiking with the woman whose yoga studio I taught for last year. I gave it up because I was spread too thin and stressed out. I thought it was a good time for us to hang out and catch up, since itíd been awhile.

I started telling her about my career plans and she met me with a distinct lack of enthusiasm. I tried not to feel too daunted about her disinterest, and I pressed on. She would know about this, whether she liked it or not!

I started my next sentence with, ďWhen I quit my jobÖĒ She jumped in, ďWait, what? Youíre going to quit your job?Ē

I clarified, ďYes, thatís exactly what I plan to do,Ē and I explained the details. Suddenly, her enthusiasm and interest sparked. She started talking fast, and gave me tons of advice and encouragement.

Thatís when I realized what all that initial disinterest was about.

Had I speculated about it, I would have assumed that she thought it was a bad idea or I was a bad candidate. Iíd actually stopped to wonder if maybe she didnít believe in energy healing, at all. I had to remind myself over and over that she talks about prana constantly, and that weíve even done pranayama exercises together. I am so glad that I didnít let that initial response stop me.

It was none of my self-doubt laced reasons. It was that she didnít think I was serious. She thought it was going to be another lackluster side project.

Sheís self-employed, has a yoga business, has private students and does other body work for organizations, by contract. Sheís probably constantly hearing people tell her how they are interested in teaching yoga or body work, but they never really fully commit because they want to take it on as a side-project or hobby.

After her enthusiasm settled, she immediately offered me a job. I told her that I needed some time, and I also told her about all the anxiety that Iíve been feeling. She seemed to understand.

I think Iíve finally realized that there is no secret to success. I know that Iíve been saying that itís all about hard work and blah blah blah, but I never fully bought it. I think Iíve always acknowledged that luck is a big part of it, too, but thatís the part we canít control.

That means, we just never really know, do we? We just have to do our best and hope that the universe responds in kind.

Itís strange, but Iíve always had a fascination with people that Iíve perceived as successful. I remember being very young, maybe 5 or 6, and interrogating my dad about Michael Jackson. I wanted to know how he got his job. Is he rich because heís famous or is he famous because heís rich? And on, and on.

I never got a straight answer out of him, but I do remember him saying, ďWell, he was part of the Jackson 5 beforeÖĒ

I continued to probe, of course I knew about the Jackson 5, I wasnít an idiot, you know, I wasnít some naÔve four year old, after all.

I donít remember how it ended, probably with a frustrated parent and an equally frustrated kid.

As I got older, I realized a few things about some famous people; like the trade-offs and how fame is often not worth the price.

Then, there are other people. Not the people who work in entertainment, necessarily, but the people who are known for doing something very, very well, seem to really enjoy their work, and are handsomely rewarded for it.

How do they get where they are? When I got older, that was the new secret that I wanted to know.

When someoneís work especially interests me, I will pursue information about their inner workings like I have a school-girl crush on them. I donít have a school-girl crush on them. Iím trying to figure out the secret.

I think Iíve finally realized that there is no secret.

No one has a golden ticket into the chocolate factory. There is no chocolate factory. We all have the ingredients for making the stuff. If we sit around waiting for that golden ticket into a realm where itís already made, weíll be sitting around forever. The only option is to start mixing and mixing and hoping and trying.

Oy. You know, I honestly canít believe how hot itís gotten in one day. Although, given this past winter, this is more like what I expected April to feel like.

1 comments so far

Monday, Apr. 16, 2012 at 9:16 PM