I�m pretty tired today, I have karate tonight. I was up late last night being the crazy spod that I am. I thought I�d gotten away from the computer, but no, it�s back. It�s about some boy, it�s always some boy, but this time, not only does he live in the same country as me, he actually lives in the same state, too.

I also stalked my high school crush over the weekend. Not for real. I had a dream about him on Saturday night, which made me curious, so I searched for him and came up with a picture.

I swear he looks at least ten years older than me. Maybe it�s just me. I don�t know, I was pretty shocked, though. I showed Suzanne and she had the same reaction, that he looks old. She said it made her feel old.

Strangely, it made me feel young. He looked so adult, so grownup. I still feel very childlike.

Last night, Ryo brought up a bunch of stuff about the nature of reality. I wanted to go into more depth about this, but he�s such a chatty boy, it�s hard to get a word in edgewise.

He also asked me why I was once site banned from a chat. I can�t really go into detail about that without sounding like a total freak. It wasn�t my fault, though. I promise you, it wasn�t my fault.

That was one of the very few times in my life that I�ve ever refused to answer a direct question. Normally, I�m not self-conscious at all. It�s mostly because there�s nothing too scary to hide, anyway. I feel self-conscious around him, though. I don�t remember the last time I was self-conscious around anyone. Why I choose now and him, I don�t know.

I�m really sleepy, though.

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